The Note (& other stuff)

I really need to get this off my chest, so sorry if this offends you but my mental health has been really bad and I’m literally about to collapse and cry from all the stuff going on, so if this concerns you then please don’t read on please.

The Note

Ok so in England we have school exams from Yr7-10 to prepare us for GCSE and A level exams. We have 3 exams a day with revision breaks after each exam. Today, we had French Oral, English Language and Physics. French Oral was a 2-hour slot but it takes like 3 minutes per person to do their oral. We did it in register order, and I’m like 5th in the register so mine was done pretty quickly. I didn’t bring revision stuff because a) no and b) I was v lazy the night before with packing. I was reading and talking quietly to some girls in the row next to me. They started writing about revision on a piece of paper and putting like thoughts or something. They were passing it around the class since about 50% of us were done with orals and v bored because the teacher wouldn’t let us talk unless it was testing for orals. Idk what people wrote but I knew it was there because I saw people write it so how could I not. Then, a girl comes back from her orals and hands another girl the note. I heard ‘This is from X’ (not saying name because privacy y’know?) and the teacher started questioning the girl who had been given the note. She finally got the girl to hand it over and told the head of key stage (who is v strict and almost hated in our year). Then the teacher told the deputy head (who actually likes me because I’m smart but can be evil).

Lunchtime rolls around. And so does afternoon registration. So, we’re sitting in our places ready for the next exam, when the head of key stage comes in with a note. Everyone squirms because people in my class told me and a few others who weren’t involved to ‘own up as a form’ because it would be easy. [FYI: There are these things called ‘penalty points’ and basically are used in every empty threat, but if you get 3 in a term then that results in a detention and a letter home 😀 ], but then people started talking about penalty points. I don’t know if they were actually issued (we’ll get to why I didn’t know later), but the head of key stage was lecturing us about it, then said ‘at the end of the day, go apologise to [teacher]. It’s the decent thing to do’. I didn’t write/see what was written so I wasn’t going to go apologise. (Which is why I didn’t know because they were probably going to be issued by the teacher mentioned before) Great. All behind us now, right?

Wrong. When I got home, I texted my friend who was involved and was like ‘how did the apology go’. Apparently parents are involved so she’s not apologising. She started ranting on our group chat I have with a bunch of best friends (including the one from Matlock bath wink wink) and one of my friends who’s a year ahead was trying to figure out what was going on. She basically told me that I should have owned up and my friend who was involved started giving reasons how everyone was involved. I basically told her that the only reason she was doing that was because she needed validation and wanted to drag me down too. A bunch of my other friends joined the chat and started giving their input, to which my mental health died. So now I’m questioning myself as to whether I should apologise or not.

Other Stuff

Basically, my aunt is staying with us for a week (she’s not actually related but she’s my mom’s best friend and my dad’s ‘second wife’ (that’s what he says anyway lol)) and she is staying in exam week. if y’all didn’t know, I have anxiety and depression so my mental health is just dead all over. I really needed someone to test me on my French orals but I already bugged my dad because a bunch of stuff of mine was broken so I couldn’t ask him because he was already v mad, and MY MOM AND AUNT WERE OUT GALAVANTING AND DOING GIRL THINGS EVEN THO THEY LITERALLY HAVE BEEN DOING THAT ADKJKLFSFHSIFHFHEFH so I died yesterday. Also in the morning sometimes my mom is up at the same time as me so we get the opportunity to have chats and stuff without dying because I only get to talk to her when she comes home at like 8pm and I go to bed at 9 anyway. NOW MY AUNT IS MOOCHING off of that and basically whenever my mom and I have a deep chat that’s kinda private my aunt has to mooch and ugh. NOT TO MENTION WHEN I WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH MY MOM AND TELL HER ABOUT MY DAY SHE MAKES ME TELL MY AUNT

Maybe I just hate people who aren’t my friends (and they only stay for like a night at most) in my house because my house is kinda like my release where I can just breathe and not have a fake persona and bubbling anger.

Reading that back I sound like a bratty moron.

Gtg die in a hole of mental death.


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

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