AYYY It’s been 4 years! 😀 Before we start the special 4 year post, I wanted to be really corny and make this cute speech for you guys 🙂
I was a very cringey and unpopular kid, so thank you to people who actually followed me and cared about what I had to say because not many people did 🙂 Thank you to the people that commented on my posts, thank you to the people who wrote fanfics about me (you know who you are), and just thank you to the people who helped me get this far. I wanted to delete bloggish so many times and there were so many times when I just hated it and wish I could start over but I’m so happy I stuck with it because I made loads of friends and also learnt a bit about fandoms (DD fandom throwback), internet fights and just people in general. I also was kinda baffled that 13, 14, 15 year olds were actually friends with some 10-year old who was a socially awkward derp and didn’t really know how to act. This blog is my safe space, so thank you to the people that defended me and my space, and also the people who read my blog when I have mental breakdowns, because honestly, writing about these situations on my blog helps me see them in a different light and really helps alleviate my negativity.
Thank you for the most incredible 4 years. Ilysm 😀
Ok, so I decided to do 250 questions because I’ve tried to keep journals and stuff but I don’t really like writing every day, and also I prefer typing much more than writing physically, so I found 365 questions from daily journals but I couldn’t be bothered to do all of them, but I have 250 questions and I’m going to answer them 😀
When was the last time you tried something new?
Um, I think doing a cut-crease eye look for the music festival I’m going to next week lol. I did it last night btw.
Who do you sometimes compare yourself to?
Two of my friends who write because I feel like I’m not as good as them.
What’s the most sensible thing you’ve ever heard someone say?
‘We are all friends here, and we help each other through thick and thin’ – my best friend (from matlock bath pt 3) talking about a group chat fight we had a few days ago.
What gets you excited about life?
When I buy new makeup/clothes or when I get to organise something. Also, when I get to hang out with my friends.
What life lesson did you learn the hard way?
‘What you say on the internet will be permanent’ One of my biggest mess-ups was on the internet and I still think about it a lot to this day.
What do you wish you spent more time doing five years ago?
Probably writing stories or trying to make friends.
Do you ask enough questions or do you settle for what you know?
I don’t really ask questions in the moment but if I’m sceptical I tend to think about a situation long enough to where I think of questions.
Who do you love and what are you doing about it?
I only have celebrity crushes at the moment but if you mean family, then probably trying to spend more time with my dad because I don’t spend that much time with him.
What’s a belief that you hold with which many people disagree?
ANSWER THE QUESTIONS IN THE TENSE THAT THEY ARE IN (I might do a storytime about this but anyone in my history class sitting near me should know)
What can you do today that you were not capable of a year ago?
I can speak a bit of Spanish, I can apply makeup well, I can regulate my emotions better in public places
Do you think crying is a sign of weakness or strength?
It depends what you’re crying at/your situation but I think it’s generally weakness even though I cry a lot, because you could be doing something about a situation instead of crying. I understand that you have to let your feelings out though, because I literally cry at everything lol.
What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
I would wear a lot more makeup than I do now, because I love putting on a full face of makeup, even if its just going to my local shop, but I’m 13 so that would probably be really weird.
Do you celebrate the things you do have?
Sometimes I have random moments of extreme gratitude, but in general, if I’m not angry or sad at something then yeah.
What is the difference between living and existing?
Existing is being mass but not doing anything; living is having a soul and a brain and a purpose, where you do things.
If not now, then when?
Just do it when it’s a good, appropriate time slot.
Have you done anything lately worth remembering?
Not really, but I’m going to my first concert next Saturday (25th – I’m writing this on the 19th), so that will be something to remember.
What does your joy look like today?
Colourful makeup, posing in front of the mirror, subdued smiles, making my hair look nice even though I’m alone in the room.
Is it possible to lie without saying a word?
Yes. Body language exists for a reason.
If you had a friend who spoke to you in the same way that you sometimes speak to yourself, how long would you allow this person to be your friend?
I don’t really tell myself negative things like about me only ‘you suck’ etc, I generally just say things relating to other people eg: ‘nobody cares about you, people are better than you’ etc, but I would probably leave them as soon as they spoke to me lol.
Which activities make you lose track of time?
Climbing, writing, doing my makeup, organisation, doing anything involving my blog.
If you had to teach something, what would you teach?
Subject-wise, probably computing but as a general skill I would probably teach something about either makeup/fashion or social media personas and how to manage them.
What would you regret not fully doing, being or having in your life?
I would regret not changing my room fully (I had half of it done for about a year but I had to wait until summer to take everything out and paint/wallpaper it) because I became a lot less angry and more responsible now that I have my own space.
Are you holding onto something that you need to let go of?
I probably am, but I can’t think of what it is.
When you are 80-years-old, what will matter to you the most?
Probably my relationship with my family, because my biggest regret would probably be knowing that they ended their lives not having a good relationship with me.
When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards and just do what you know is right?
When you’re the only one/only one left to make a certain decision probably.
How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
I would probably be 17 years old because I have friends (almost) that age and I would still be in school (which I actually quite like once I’m used to it), also I would be able to have my own life but not be so far into adulthood yet. Also, I’m often mistaken for a 16/17 year old because of my height and how much makeup I wear.
Would you break the law to save a loved one?
Only if I knew breaking said law would definitely save them.
What makes you smile?
Any cute pictures of band members I love, getting new/expensive makeup and when people comment on my blog 🙂
When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
If you had the opportunity to get a message across to a large group of people, what would your message be?
People of different races other than white, people from the LGBT community, people with less ability than the average person, people with more ability, people who are different from the average person are still people.
If the average human lifespan was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
I would definitely have kids earlier because I want to have kids in my mid/late 20s but I would probably have them in my late teens/early 20s because I wouldn’t want them to cope with loss when they’re just becoming adults.
What do we all have in common besides our genes that makes us human?
The fact that we have feelings.
If you could choose one book as a mandatory read for all high school students, which book would you choose?
The Bunker Diary, by Kevin Brooks because it’s such a good book and also really diverse with a bit (but not a lot) of education with an amazing plotline.
Would you rather have less work or more work you actually enjoy doing?
More work I enjoy. I hate a lot of free time because I have no idea what to do and I end up destroying a lot of things.
What is important enough to go to war over?
Probably the world leader (if Earth had one true leader).
Which is worse, failing or never trying?
Never trying, because I regret never trying a lot and also if I fail then I have a good story to tell people lol.
When was the last time you listened to the sound of your own breathing?
I don’t think I’ve heard it on recording, but probably this afternoon when I act out a really dramatic scene alone in my backyard lol.
What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
I make a playlist of 100+ of a specific song I downloaded because I don’t like the repeat button on apple music for some reason lmao.
What does ‘The American Dream’ mean to you?
I guess the dream life for an average American.
Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
Joyful simpleton. I have a lot of OCs who are really happy but aren’t geniuses. The one who is a genius has depression and anxiety.
If you could instill one piece of advice in a newborn baby’s mind, what advice would you give?
Don’t download social media. (Like Instagram).
What is the most desirable trait another person can possess?
What are you most grateful for?
The fact that all my friends and I have houses and good lives with good parents and get to own the things we own.
Is stealing to feed a starving child wrong?
In most cases, probably, but if they are on their true last legs then no.
What do you want most?
I don’t really know.
Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
Doing the right things, because if I do something wrong, I don’t really get bothered by it, the only thing that makes me upset if I do something wrong is what other people think/would think.
What has life taught you recently?
Summer doesn’t last forever lol. I’m in my last full week of vacation and I’ve been off since the 6th of July and I’m not ready for school haha.
What is the one thing you would most like to change about the world?
The fact that people start wars over really dumb things.
Where do you find inspiration?
My favourite inspirational app is Pinterest, but I find inspiration for my writing either from prompts or from random things people say. I find inspiration for other things just in anything to do with organisation eg. school supplies, bedrooms etc. Idk if that’s weird lol.
Can you describe your life in a six word sentence?
It’ll be over before I’m 100.
If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
Mistakes show signs of unintelligence or lack of knowledge, and even the dumbest people try their hardest to look smart.
What impact do you want to leave on the world?
Probably the fact that I was an author and tended to stray away from what people my age generally write/read.
What is the most defining moment of your life thus far?
Probably when I won an award for academic achievement when I was 7 lmao. I had only been at my school for a year and I got the biggest award of the year. That helped a lot with purpose I think.
In the haste of your daily life, what are you not seeing?
That other people don’t have the stuff I have and aren’t as lucky as me.
If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
I guess you have to do what you do to survive, and the things we like are either too much money or take too much time.
What lifts your spirits when life gets you down?
Listening to music, watching youtube videos or organising something.
Have you ever regretted something you did not say or do?
YES. I think of so much good things to say after a conversation and I get really mad at myself because I didn’t say them.
Has your greatest fear ever come true?
Yes, but the biggest event involving said fear happened before I considered it a fear.
Why do we think of others the most when they’re gone?
You never notice something until it’s gone.
What is your most beloved childhood memory?
Probably coming back from a holiday in Cardiff when I was 11/12, and we were playing games on the train which made us all laugh.
Is it more important to love or be loved?
I think it’s more important to love because if you aren’t loved, you can turn that around and love other people because you don’t want them to suffer like you did.
If it all came back around to you, would it help you or hurt you?
It depends what you’re talking about, but if you mean my whole life, then probably hurt me.
If you had the chance to go back in time and change one thing would you do it?
It depends what the one thing is, but probably.
If a doctor gave you five years to live, what would you try to accomplish?
I would try to meet my favourite musicians and meet my online friends because all of those people matter to me a lot.
What is the difference between falling in love and being in love?
Falling in love is when you just start to love, being in love is when you have loved something for quite a bit of time.
Who do you think stands between you and happiness?
Literally anyone at my school other than my teachers and best friends. I get along with people but sometimes they are really annoying.
What is the difference between innocence and ignorance?
Innocence is not knowing of something, but ignorance is knowing of/about something but choosing to ignore it.
What is the simplest truth you can express in words?
Just because people love you, it doesn’t mean you have to love them back.
What gives your life meaning?
The fact that I’m still in my early stages of it and haven’t found my purpose, meaning I can spend my current stages of life searching for it.
Can there be happiness without sadness? Pleasure without pain? Peace without war?
If the negative terms didn’t exist, then no, because we wouldn’t know that the positive terms would be possible to counteract, but I believe it’s possible for everyone to feel happy, peaceful etc at the same time, providing we know what the negatives are.
What’s the one thing you’d like others to remember about you at the end of your life?
That my writing and how I express myself is different than other people, and I try to be different from other people
Is there such a thing as perfect?
Yes, but it is viewed differently depending on the person
To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
I don’t think I controlled much considering I’m still in school and living with my parents, but I definitely controlled my online personas a lot.
What does it mean to be human?
To feel, to have emotions, to have a purpose.
If you looked into the heart of your enemy, what do you think you would find that is different from what is in your own heart?
Different feelings towards me and what I do.
What do you love most about yourself?
My intelligence and my ability to play a musical instrument.
Where would you most like to go and why?
Skegness (a holiday town in England), or somewhere like Ukraine or Russia because those places just interest me.
Is it more important to do what you love or to love what you are doing?
I think it’s more important to love what you’re doing because if everything you love to do is expensive, takes a lot of time etc, then you wouldn’t be able to earn/have a good amount of money and wouldn’t be able to survive.
What do you imagine yourself doing ten years from now?
Probably just finishing university or working in a game development company.
What small act of kindness were you once shown that you will never forget?
I was like 5 and I was on the underground in London (which was very crowded as usual), and 2 hooded, sketchy-looking teenage boys immediately got up from their seats to offer them to me.
What is your happiest childhood memory? What makes it so special?
Probably making a fake weather show with my friends called ‘bad Britain’ – after only knowing them for just a few weeks we had already banded together and I felt like this joke sealed our bond.
Do you own your things or do your things own you?
Some things I own, some things own me.
Would you rather lose all of your old memories or never be able to make new ones?
I would lose my old memories because I have more life ahead of me than behind me, so I wouldn’t be able to make memories that are really important eg. having a child, going to university etc.
How do you deal with someone in a position of power who wants you to fail?
I would just do my thing when they won’t know I’m doing it and hide everything I’m doing from them.
What do you have that you cannot live without?
My friends 🙂
When you close your eyes what do you see?
I normally close my eyes when I’m having really intense daydreams that require a lot of focus, so I guess daydreams.
What sustains you on a daily basis?
My group chats and facetime calls with my friends lmao.
What are your top five personal values?
Intelligence, open-mindedness, leadership, honesty, savviness
Why must you love someone enough to let them go?
If you love them too much then the grieving process would be harder for you.
Do you ever celebrate the green lights?
If you mean traffic lights, yes
What personal prisons have you built out of fears?
Literally any social interaction with strangers I avoid, and I refuse to go anywhere near someone who has puked/feels sick
What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?
Go out with my whole school filmmaking club (aka my complete friend group) but I’m doing that on Wednesday lol. Also, probably either go to a concert or meet my favourite band(s).
Why are you, you?
Because I have the family I have, I have the history I have, I have the life I have, I have the people I have and I have the DNA I have.
If you haven’t achieved it yet what do you have to lose?
It depends if said achievement carries other things that would make your life bad if you lost them.
What three words would you use to describe the last three months of your life?
Exams, summer, stress
Is it ever right to do the wrong thing? Is it ever wrong to do the right thing?
If it was right to do the wrong thing, it wouldn’t be the wrong thing and vice-versa.
How would you describe ‘freedom’ in your own words?
The (controlled) ability to live your life without dictation from authority.
What is the most important thing you could do right now in your personal life?
Change my eating habits probably because I have really bad ones.
If you could ask one person, alive or dead, only one question, who would you ask and what would you ask?
I would probably ask Hitler’s mom if he was/displayed signs of being a bad person. I have this belief that even the worst villain has some good in them.
If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
Probably saving lives, either as a musician/author or a doctor/surgeon.
What is your number one goal for the next six months?
Probably to be more outgoing and try to tackle my anxiety.
Would you ever give up your life to save someone else?
It depends who the other person is, but unless they’re very close to me, no.
Are you happy with yourself?
I think right now in this moment I am.
What is the meaning of ‘peace’ to you?
Everyone feeling relaxed, with tranquil feelings and being content.
What are three moral rules you will never break?
Do not cheat, treat others the way you want to be treated, seek justice.
What does it mean to allow another person to truly love you?
They get to know the inner part of you that very few (if not, none) people get to see, and for them to see you at your most vulnerable, for them to know your deepest secrets and things you’re afraid to tell others.
Who or what do you think of when you think of love?
I just think of a random cartoon couple in wedding attire, standing in a pink heart.
If your life was a novel, what would be the title and how would your story end?
My story would probably be called something like difference, and would end with however I would die, probably from a disease/illness.
What would you not give up for $1,000,000 in cash?
My friends and (some) of my family members.
When do you feel most like yourself?
When I’m with my friends or when I’m doing my homework, blasting emo music through the house.
When you help someone do you ever think, “What’s in it for me?”
Yes, because I’m one for justice and I believe very strongly in equity and (sometimes) equality.
What is your greatest challenge?
Trying to convince myself that teachers won’t be mad at me for forgetting something small, in assembly, when I’m almost in tears.
How do you know when it’s time to continue holding on or time to let go?
When said change/event affects my mental health.
How do you define success?
Achieving a goal, whether it be a personal one or one commonly given by society (a common goal given by society would be becoming rich, or famous etc).
If someone could tell you the exact day and time you are going to die, would you want them to tell you?
I would probably want them to tell me, but then again, I would just say to myself ‘In X years/months/days, I will be dead’.
If I could grant you one wish what would you wish for?
Probably a bigger house (that sounds really selfish sorry).
What have you read online recently that inspired you?
A quote I read from Gerard Way (aka the lead singer of MCR) about the MCR break-up.
Why do religions that advocate unity divide the human race?
The religions advocate unity only within themselves, so anyone not in said religion would not be considered united.
If you could live one day of your life over again, what day would you choose?
Probably the 1st of August (this year) because I had one of the best times with my best friend (A) and also used the ouija board which was really fun.
What can money not buy?
A loving family. If your family only loves you for your money, they don’t actually love you.
If you left this life tomorrow, how would you be remembered?
In my friend groups, the young, crazy friend, but in general, the smart computer nerd.
Beyond the titles that others have given you, who are you?
A person that likes music, emo, and computers. A writer in progress.
If you could live the next 24 hours and then erase it and start over just once, what would you do?
Probably just live a normal day because if I do something bad, I don’t want to spend the other 24 hours explaining myself, but nothing good either because that would be erased.
Is it possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
Only if the said truth has definitive, unquestionable proof.
What word best describes the way you’ve spent the last month of your life?
What makes everyone smile?
A random act of kindness.
What do you owe yourself?
What would your ‘priceless’ Mastercard-style commercial be?
I’ve never seen one of those commercials so I have no idea.
Can you think of a time when impossible became possible?
For me, trying new food at school (when I was in year 6), but in general, whenever the motive is really strong or the finished product is really motivational.
Why do you matter?
My parents didn’t spend 9 months making me for nothing.
How have you changed in the last five years?
I cut my hair, I improved my grades, I’ve found different music tastes, I’m finding my identity, I’m becoming more mature, I’m developing a passion for different things, I’ve made new friends, I’ve become more independent, I’ve become more responsible, I got more anxious/stressed, I’ve become more self-conscious, I’ve developed a more precise sense of style/taste in fashion.
What are you sure of in your life?
That I will die.
When you think of ‘home,’ what, specifically, do you think of?
Either my house, the apple emoji for ‘house’, or the apple home app lol.
What’s the difference between settling for things and accepting the way things are?
Accepting something signifies that you are ok with said thing, but settling for things means you don’t like said things but begrudgingly comply.
How many of your friends would you trust with your life?
Probably about 3 (sorry guys).
What’s your definition of heaven?
Complete, idealistic, freedom.
What is your most prized possession?
Physical, my stuffed rabbit I’ve had since I was a month old, mentally, my logical mind.
How would you describe yourself in one sentence?
A writer in the works.
What stands between you and happiness?
Any deadline, people I don’t like being in the same environment as me.
What makes a person beautiful?
If they react positively in bad situations, even if that just means surviving or not harming themselves. Basically, adversity.
Is there ever a time when giving up makes sense?
Just take any war and you have your answer.
What makes you proud?
Me, or someone close to me achieving a huge, seemingly impossible milestone.
How do you find the strength to do what you know in your heart is right?
I just think to myself ‘if you thought this was wrong in the first place, it’s probably wrong’.
Where do you find peace?
Being alone in a quiet, but not desolate place, organising something small and perfectly, writing after having a lot of negative emotions.
When have you worked hard and loved every minute of it?
Whenever I organise or write. And this blog post 🙂
How short would your life have to be before you would start living differently today?
Probably around 30-40 years (in total).
Is it better to have loved and lost or to have never loved at all?
I think never loved, because the ‘losing’ part could pretty much wreck someone, mentally and physically.
What would you do if you made a mistake and somebody died?
Probably spend the rest of my life regretting it, go into a depressive spiral and come out a few years later after I gathered up the courage to admit said mistake.
Who do you trust and why?
I trust my mom, because she’s the only relative who doesn’t mess around with me when I need them to be serious, one of my best friends (from the matlock bath post (part 3)) because when I was in depressive spirals, her and another friend were the only people who were being truly nice to me. (This was mainly about the fight I had where I had a mental breakdown on a groupchat).
If you were forced to eliminate every physical possession from your life with the exception of what could fit into a single backpack, what would you put in it?
My phone, a charger, my stuffed rabbit, a book, a notepad & some pens, my laptop & charger, some makeup, my headphones, my cd player and some of my CDs.
When does silence convey more meaning than words?
When the previous events contained little words, out of negative emotions.
How do you spend the majority of your free time?
Writing (either blog posts or stories), watching youtube videos, listening to music or texting my friends.
Who do you think of first when you think of ‘success?’
Brendon Urie, I don’t know why lol.
What did you want to be when you grew up?
I wanted to be a scientist, but I want to either be a game coder or a writer now.
How will today matter in five years from now?
It will be the day I spent hours writing this post lol.
How have you helped someone else recently?
I organised a huge day out with a lot of my friends, pretty much on my own.
What is your greatest skill?
The ability to suddenly write a good short story, without any planning or future editing.
Do you see to believe or believe to see?
More of the latter, probably, because I’m a big believer in the paranormal and I start to ‘see’ spirits if I watch videos/research them.
How are you pursuing your dreams right now?
I’m writing and I’m using a computer? I’m not really doing anything right now to help pursue my dreams.
What’s the next big step you need to take?
To pursue my dreams, probably to learn a coding language or send some of my writing to a publisher.
If today was the last day of your life, would you want to do what you are about to do today?
I mean, it’s 10PM right now, but I wouldn’t want to what I did today, or what I’m about to do tomorrow. However, I would want to do what I’m about to do on Wednesday (see all my friends), or on Saturday (see one of my favourite bands in concert for the first time)
If today was the last day of your life, who would you call and what would you tell them?
I would call all of my friends and say ‘I’m about to die, let’s go shopping and have a fun day out’.
Who do you dream about?
What do you have trouble seeing clearly in your mind?
Me as an adult/me looking any different than I do now.
What are you looking forward to?
Going to see my friends, going to my first concert, and missing school for a day to go to London for my mom’s book launch.
What is the number one thing you want to accomplish before you die?
I want to have a published novel/collection of short stories.
When is love a weakness?
When too much of it clouds your perception of a bad person/bad acts.
What has been the most terrifying moment of your life thus far?
The one I can think of is when I was at the top of a climbing wall (about 50ft high), coming down (aka I wasn’t holding on to the holds), and the rope jammed.
Who is the strongest person you know?
My dad, because he has had to deal with a lot of crap in his life and he still doesn’t give one about what people think, which is a quality I really want to have.
If you could take a single photograph of your life, what would it look like?
A picture of me writing while talking to my friends, with slightly shaking hands, the clock displaying around 6AM.
Is the reward worth the risk?
It depends on both the reward and the risk.
For you personally, what makes today worth living?
The fact that it gets me closer to Wednesday and Saturday, and the fact that I get to wear my new hoodie for the first time.
What have you done in the last year that makes you proud?
I got really good report grades all throughout the year.
What did you learn recently that changed the way you live?
That sweaters and shorts are much comfier to sleep in than a tank-top and pyjama pants.
What is your fondest memory from the past three years?
Talking about the school’s filmmaking club (aka the place I met my closest friends) in the school’s speech day (the most formal event of the year) with all my friends on stage with me.
What are the primary components of a happy life?
Good mental stability/attitude, a good support network and a good lifestyle (including diet, money, sleep etc)
How would the world be different if you were never born?
I don’t think my friend group would be the same it is today, because I was normally the person that dragged my friends to filmmaking club to introduce them to the friends there.
What is your favourite song and why?
Either ‘polarize’ or ‘ode to sleep’ by twenty one pilots, because it has very artistic lyrics but also a good rhythm and not too slow of a beat.
With the resources you have right now, what can you do to bring yourself closer to your goal?
I could email a publisher some of my writing, since I have a laptop with all of my short stories and an email account.
What are your top three priorities?
Get a novel/short story collection published, learn a coding language, get to Grade 8 flute before I finish 6th form (the last 2 years of school).
Why do we idolize sports players?
Because a lot of people like sports and the sports players make the sports possible.
What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you?
My mom took me on a £200+ shopping spree on my birthday, despite me knowing full well that my birthday month is a tight month in general.
What do you see when you look into the future?
Me as an adult, finished university, (hopefully) still in contact with all of my friends, still an avid music fan.
What makes you angry? Why?
Injustice/ignorance because I’m a very strong-willed person when it comes to equity and equality and it pisses me off when I need people to see something and they ignore it, only for me to get mad and called ‘impatient’.
What is the most valuable life lesson you learned from your parents?
Patience is a virtue, and to also let people believe in what they want to and live their lives the way they want to.
What does love feel like?
A fluffy pillow.
What are your favourite simple pleasures?
Listening to music when my phone is moderately charged on a long (not too long) coach ride, on the highway when we’re going fast and opening a new piece of makeup.
If you could go back in time and tell a younger version of yourself one thing, what would you tell?
You will get friends in senior school.
What do you do to deliberately impress others?
I wear band merch normally to impress others/show them I like a said band.
What will you never do?
Probably never give birth. I never liked the idea of giving birth and the adoption process fascinates me.
Excluding romantic relationships, who do you love?
Any band member I idolize, my friends and (some of) my family.
What is your earliest childhood memory?
Throwing up near my radiator and my mom giving me some water (I was like 1)
What book has had the greatest influence on your life?
‘One’ by Sarah Crossan.
What three questions do you wish you knew the answers to?
Will I achieve my dreams, will I meet my favourite musicians, and will I ever have a family?
What is the greatest peer pressure you’ve ever felt?
‘Join the class group chat’ – I never wanted to be on it but someone added me and I’m too lazy to leave now.
What’s the biggest lie you once believed was true?
Santa is real.
In your lifetime, what have you done that hurt someone else?
My dad asked me if I missed him and I said no.
What’s the best part of growing older?
Being able to be independent.
What’s been on your mind most lately?
The fact that I’m terrified to go back to school because I don’t know if I have unresolved beef with people in the year above me. I think it is resolved, but that little thought still looms in my head.
What do you think is worth waiting for?
A child (giving birth), anything with significant meaning.
What chances do you wish you had taken?
I wish I had started watching the youtubers I watch now a lot earlier because most of the stuff I thought about them wasn’t true.
Where else would you like to live? Why?
Probably in a rural countryside area because it seems so tranquil.
What motivates you to go to work/school each day?
The fact that I can get ready in the morning and have a structured routine.
What do you wish you had done differently?
I wish I didn’t tell my school about my blog because now people (including teachers) get ‘offended’ and want me to take it down.
What is your greatest strength and your greatest weakness?
Strength – the fact that I am a logical person when it comes to patterns, weakness – I get anxious/stressed a lot.
When was the last time you lied? What did you lie about?
I said to one of my friends on houseparty (a facetime app) at around 7pm (3 hours ago)that I had to go but I just wanted to be alone.
What made you smile this week?
Watching videos of the man I’m going to see in concert soon.
What do you do with the majority of your money?
Spend it on makeup, since I don’t have to pay bills.
What motivates you to be your best?
Seeing people I don’t like achieving things. That probably sounds really bad but it’s the truth.
When was the last time you lost your temper? About what?
I was in Boots (kinda like a CVS but a UK version) with my mom this afternoon and they had run out of what we needed to get and my mom said ‘do you want to use brand x instead’ but I said ‘never mind, it’s ok’ and my mom got really mad and so did I because apparently I say ‘never mind’ too much.
What will you never give up on?
I will never give up on my friends or the fact that I want to be a writer.
When you look into the past, what do you miss the most?
My previous friendships.
How would you describe the past year of your life in one sentence?
I changed more than I ever have.
What is the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?
I randomly bought a new phone just because I wanted an upgrade (I don’t get new phones a lot, only when the previous one breaks)
What makes you uncomfortable?
Any talks regarding sexuality, or any open talks in school about anxiety/mental illness.
If you had to move 3000 miles away, what one thing would you miss the most?
All of my friends, but I would probably text them everyday, and the familiarity I have lived with all of my life.
What worries you about the future?
The fact that my friends group I’m in right now will probably break up and I will have to find new friends. I hope that doesn’t happen though.
What one ‘need’ and one ‘want’ will you strive to achieve in the next twelve months?
Need – pick my GCSE options wisely, want – buy the new anastasia palette lol.
What life lessons did you have to experience firsthand before you fully understood them?
People can decide that they don’t have to owe you an apology until they’re ready.
Do you like the city or town you live in? Why or why not?
Yes, because I’ve lived in this city all of my life and everything is so familiar to me that it would be absurd to leave.
What’s the best part of being you?
That I’m not someone else.
When you look back over the past month, what single moment stands out?
When the ouija board worked with me and A.
What do you do to relieve stress?
I watch youtube, write or listen to music.
What is your happiest memory?
Probably the emo karaoke with my mom on the twister ride in Skegness.
What is your saddest memory?
Realising I was the only person not to get ‘student of the week’ twice in the year in year 4 (I was (and still am) a teacher’s pet).
What would you like to change?
The fact that literally everything stresses me out, especially going to catch the bus on time.
How many people do you love?
Romantically/sexually, only about 2, friends/family, at least 10.
What’s the best decision you’ve ever made?
To join filmmaking club in year 7.
What’s your favourite true story that you enjoy sharing with others?
The fact that I had a dream about Haru and described her perfectly even though I’ve never seen her face.
Right now, at this moment, what do you want most?
To go to bed, or to have some doughnuts.
What are you waiting for? How are you writing your life’s story?
I’m waiting for not really anything right now, but try and make my story as clean and swift as possible.
What makes love last?
An unbreakable bond from both sides.
What good comes from suffering?
What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned in the last year?
Patience is a virtue.
Based on your current daily actions and routines, where would you expect to be in five years?
Probably packing for university/prepping after just having gotten my results (In 5 years I will be 18 and finished school, just having gotten my A level results (the results that determine what university you go to after a load of exams and about 3-4 years of prep))
What was your last major accomplishment?
Getting 3 Os in my report at the start of July.
Through all of life’s twists and turns who has been there for you?
What or who has been distracting you?
My friends texting me and also just my phone in general.
What are you looking forward to in the upcoming week?
Going out with my friends, and going to my first concert.
Who is your mentor and what have you learned from them?
I don’t really consider myself as one to have a mentor, as most of the mentors I’ve tried to look up to basically turn on me so I don’t really have one.
What are you uncertain about?
I’m uncertain about how crowded the festival I’m going to (on Saturday) will be.
What do you think about when you lie awake in bed?
Mainly cool daydreams for my OCs.
What’s something most people don’t know about you?
That I talk to myself when I get ready (like a youtuber narrating a morning routine).
When you have a random hour of free time, what do you usually do?
Write, listen to music or watch youtube.
What makes you weird?
My friends. I literally am so hyper and outgoing around them, but alone, I’m quite quiet and nervous.
If you could relive yesterday what would you do differently?
I would start this post much earlier because I need this to be up in less than an hour and I’m so sleepy.
What do you do over and over again that you hate doing?
Get dressed. I don’t know why, but I hate the physical process of getting dressed.
Would you rather your child be less attractive and extremely intelligent or extremely attractive and less intelligent?
Extremely intelligent. Intelligence is (in my opinion) the best quality someone can have, and will get you farther as far as jobs and employability is concerned.
What white lies do you often tell?
That I’m not jealous of people’s accomplishments. Sometimes, if said accomplishments are related to a goal I have, I get really upset and jealous because I don’t really feel like I have purpose if someone I know already achieved my goals.
What is the biggest change you have made in your life in the last year?
I let myself wake up naturally on weekends because I tried to get up at a set time, like in school times, but I felt like my sleep schedule was kinda out of whack so I just let my body wake up whenever on weekends and I feel a lot more energized.
So those are my 250 questions. It’s currently 11:06pm in England (on the 20th, meaning I took around a day to write this, but I only spent around 4 hours actively writing) and I’m so tired lol.
I hope those questions kind of change the way you see me as a person as some of these things were really personal and things I don’t tell people. Thank you for 4 years 😀 (I won’t go into a corny speech again lol)
Thank you for reading this far because it took forever to write and also to think of the answers and my hands are so tired and I’ve been blasting music for 4 hours and I’m just tired and done in general.
I might do these types of posts for anniversaries as my other anniversaries were quite short and cringey haha.