I saw Bohemian Rhapsody

Ok, so I just got back from the movies because today I saw Bohemian Rhapsody, basically a movie about Freddie Mercury and his life in Queen. Being a huge Queen fan, ya girl had to go see it so I’m going to give you my thoughts on it even though nobody cares 😀

Let me give you some background because music is a big part of my life and I just wanted to talk about this because I feel it adds more to the movie ‘review’ if I talk about this.
I was brought up listening to 70s pop. Like, until I was around 11, my main bands of choice were The Beatles, ABBA, and Queen. I was never into current pop until I started Senior school, and then mid-way through year 8, I discovered Emo music, so my music taste has always been a weird hybrid of rock and pop. I am a huge Queen fan; I’ve loved them for around 4 years and even though I don’t listen to them as much now, I’m still a lifelong fan and still group them with my favourite bands.

Now that that’s out of the way, let me actually talk about the movie.

This is my first ‘grown-up’ movie; it had swear words and sex scenes in it, unlike the other movies I’ve seen before. At the start of the movie, I was kinda bored because it focused on the beginning a lot and the relationship with Mary Austin, which was very fascinating to me but I don’t want to give spoilers so I’m not saying anything.

The movie also focused on Freddie leaving Queen and the way that it looked to me, it reminded me of stuff that’s been going on in my life lately. The way the situation panned out, the way Freddie acted reminded me a lot of me and what’s been going on with regards to my friends. That kind of reassured me, because if Freddie can get through something like that and everything regarding his love life, then I can too. That sounds really corny but I’ve really felt alone with regards to my feelings and what’s been happening around me over the past few days, and I feel like I needed that ‘he’s been through this and still made it, so you can too’ kind of message. Freddie reminded me of myself a lot because his leadership, impulse and general sparky attitude reflect my own traits almost uncannily so I think I connected to this movie in a way and more than others normally would.

In general, I thought the movie was absolutely magical. Being such a fan of Freddie and ‘learning’ that he faced the same issues I face now, it isn’t a movie I’m going to forget soon, and it might even be my favourite movie.

I also feel a connection with the movie and Freddie’s ‘storyline’ because I feel it relates a lot to myself and I’m literally about to cry because I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone I idolise so much have such a similar personality to me, and being someone that typically strays away from societal norm, this was an implicit message I really needed to hear.

Before I finish this post, I just wanted to say thanks to everyone involved in the movie, and to Freddie because even though I’m just one kid, your movie really helped me find myself and have someone to relate to when I feel as crappy as I do. Thank you so much, and just remember that you’ve helped at least one person.

I’m literally going to cry I loved that movie so much.

~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

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Stuck in a rut

Ok so im sorry for venting a little again but this feeling has been dragging me down all day and i feel like i dont know how im meant to react/feel or what im meant to do because

Actually let me explain

When I feel like being a human, I (like most people) have lots of hobbies, including:

  • Writing
  • Listening to music
  • Daydreaming
  • Playing flute
  • Makeup
  • Organisation (ordering etc)
  • Bingeing youtube videos

Etc etc

Lately, this is what ive been feeling

  • I dont want to write (I have ideas/prompts on my pinterest but i havent had the energy to write and i lost my ‘touch’ (basically when i use advanced vocabulary and immerse myself in my writing to make it 1000x better))
  • I like listening to music but i cant think of any daydreams to go with them (bc y’all know i daydream obsessively)
  • I dont have any good day-daydreams (which is really bad because they’re really easy to come up with)
  • I haven’t touched my flute all holiday
  • I have to do a music project (which i would normally like to do because i like projects) but ive only done 1 page and i havent even SCRATCHED the surface of the project
  • I can’t think of any good makeup looks and keep doing the same brown/gold look every day
  • I organise too much (which is bad for me because even though i love organising i also hate having new layouts all the time (even though i love the process of making new layouts) because i like semi-consistency)
  • I couldn’t sit through a 10-minute youtube video made by (one of) my favourite youtubers and im not really liking the youtubers i normally watch
  • All ive been doing is checking my phone anxiously waiting for a reply from someone who i think hates me because she hasnt read my texts but shes been online but she hasnt said that she hates me but she hasnt said that we’re cool either
  • I went shopping a few days ago and i spent loads of money in a high-end shop and didnt get a buzz like i normally do when i buy literally anything

I dont know if this is hormones or something else because i still have another week of half term and i dont want to be unmotivated for school

I also feel really scared because i cherish my holidays and i feel like this one is slipping right through my fingers while i watch

(Update- apparently the girl that im waiting for a reply from is mad at me but SHE DIDNT TELL ME AND NOW I AM PISSED BECAUSE IM NOT A F*CKING PSYCHIC)

I feel like im about to cry now thats great

Ever since this school year started these 2 girls in my friend group have pretty much turned on the rest of us and the group is falling apart and i dont want to lose my friends

😦

~bloggerofthebloggish

Empty

Ok so im gonna vent a little bc ugh my mental state recently hasnt been good so heh imma talk here

My mom is randomly pissed at me today. I was getting picked up by one of my friends to go to another friends house and I KID YOU NOT like 5 seconds before my friend arrived this was our conversation (i’m in bold btw)

‘Text me when you get there’

‘Fine’

‘You better text me when you get there!’

‘I said fine’

(Cue my mom getting pissed at me)

Then when i got home, this was the convo between my mom and i (im in bold again)

‘How was *blank’s* house?’

‘It was cool. We talked about how this family is cheap (idk why i said that ugh)’

(Cue my mom slamming the kitchen door in my face and not talking to me. I get that i shouldnt have said the cheap thing but what happened next was totally uncalled for in my opinion)

(Im in the kitchen making some food and my mom walks in, im in bold again)

‘Are you mad at me?’

‘No’ (but like in a ‘yes im mad’ tone)

‘Are you mad at me?’

‘No. Just the usual’

‘whats the usual?’

‘You know what the usual is’

‘Uh, no i dont’

‘I talked to you today for five minutes and most of that was you complaining about how i do things wrong (it wasnt) so why would i want to talk to you?’

(Cue my mom walking out again)

Also, one of my friends started a prank and got me basically roped in and at the end (aka last night) she told me to roast her really hard and see how the rest of the group would react. They got pissed (obvs) and this girl idk if she even wants to talk to me because ive been left on read but one of the other girls sent me screenshots and she said that the girl was fine?

So right now i feel really empty and i feel like i shouldnt talk to anyone because it will make them angry and i shouldnt tell how i feel to ppl because ill sound like a victim and im already complaining

Im sorry i just feel so empty and sad i really want to talk to someone but theyre probably going to get mad at me i feel so sad

~bloggerofthebloggish

Friend drama

Ok so im doing this on my phone because i dont want to use my laptop so uh sorry if my grammar sucks.

Basically my friendship group is falling apart and ugh im kinda in a bad place rn so i really want to vent on here.

Before we start, im kinda surprised that im not completely breaking because by this time i would have broken out the scissors (yes i use scissors not knives because uh my parents should NOT see me trying to make blood come out of my arms) but idk i dont feel that broken, just like numb.

Drama 1

Ok, so there’s been this thing where me and A (from the ouija board post) have been gossiping about this girl K (thats not what her name starts with but it makes sense if u were in the friend group before the end of august) because she has this tendancy to make things about herself and since we had a big fight in the group i havent really been on her side and consider her toxic because she does cause a lot of emotional turmoil and she has lots of symptoms of being a toxic friend. Me and A decided to just stop gossiping and tell K. We told K in a music room in school, along with 2 other friends there (imma call them W and E). K saw us and was playing the piano, not stopping (we kinda told her that she was being toxic at lunch before this), even after A told her to stop. It got so bad that E had to physically unplug the piano. A and I were angry because K started crying and making a big scene and we kinda wanted to put our input. K went on a crybaby rant because we asked her to apologise for basically abusing us (theres lots of stuff that K did to us that was wrong) and she was like ‘sorry for existing’ and BOI I GOT PISSED. I was practically shaking with anger and K wanted to talk to us on monday (aka tomorrow bc this convo happened on friday) but A and I knew full well that she was going to blow us off so HEH thats a friendship gone.

But like our whole class is on mine and A’s side so i guess we’re doing something right.

K, if youre reading this, please grow the f*** up. You are being immature and you need a dose of reality.

Drama 2

This one didnt directly involve me but uh its about the group chat AGAINN 😀

So there are 4 people involved: Me, W, H (idk what to call her ok) and S.

Even though we’re all close friends on the group chat, me and H are really close and W and S are really close. Basically a fight breaks out between W and H which ends in H telling W to go kill herself. I was doing homework when this happened and i was kinda reading the messages not knowing what to do. H and W left the group chat and basically were pissed at each other. S was pissed on H but idk i was kinda on H’s side because she has the same kind of mental health traits as me (aka also broken like me) and I kinda have a crush on her so i didnt want to leave her side. Im still cool with S and hopefully W.

H isn’t friends with S or W anymore and tbh i feel like the group is falling apart. It’s only me, A and N (the girl from the matlock bath posts who i will call N because thats the initial of a nickname i give her) left completely and we’re having a big sleepover (me, N, A, S and W) in a few weeks and i dont want this to fail. I decided to not invite H because it will be awkward. Im not directly in this so hopefully it will be ok.

Anyway gtg im on facetime with someone and its awkward because im not saying anything lol

Chaio!

~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

I really need to vent

Ok, first of all, sorry for being absent for like a month. I really wanted to post but I never had the time/effort/courage to but today I am literally dead and I really need to talk to someone so um here ya go my doots 🙂

1) My school 

Ok, so if you know me IRL or have been stalking my school posts, you know I go to an all-girls private school. I like going to an all-girls school, because I went to a co-ed school until year 6 (5th grade) and honestly I would get pissed off all the time because of the boys. I don’t like a lot of boys. First, they kinda scare me because they are quite irrational (in my opinion) and chavvy (also in my opinion, and this isn’t about all boys, just ones I see a lot) and also we can talk about girl topics openly in school because *cough* we’re all girls so nothing’s bad about that.

Guess what? As of next year, my school will be a mixed school. As in, girls and boys. Now, they’re only joining in 6th form/years 12-13 (11th-12th grade) and year 7 (6th grade) and I’m going into year 10 (9th grade) next year so they won’t be in my year. I’m not sure how to react because on one hand, it will be kinda cool having boys and the ones I see will be in year 7 but one the other hand, I don’t think my anxiety is ready for that and also, my school turned 125 years old i think last year or the year before, and it’s always been a girls school, so it’s kinda just telling the entire school history to f- itself.

And this is kinda stressing me out because I don’t know how I’m meant to react because I’m not mad but I’m not happy, but ugh I don’t know how I feel and the fact that I don’t know what I feel makes me mad because I like lots of definitive conclusions.

2) Food

This is kinda the same as school because it’s about school food and I know my school reads my blog so if you’re not going to listen to the rest of us at least listen to this.

Not. One. Person. Likes. The. Food. Like, that’s easy. Every single person I talked to about the food hates it. Let me just put everything into bullet points because there’s a lot of stuff wrong with the new catering system.

  • There are lots of unnecessary fruits/vegetables in already healthy food
  • Break time snacks aren’t even food anymore, and when they are, they are poorly made and flavourless
  •  Even the bread is given strange ingredients that make me retch every time I eat it
  • The sandwiches are put in sweet/dessert buns and the buns are flat anyway
  • Leftovers are thrown away. I’m talking a whole tray with 100+ servings of fish was dumped in the trash even though it was fresh
  • We don’t have pizza anymore 😦
  • There are days when there is nothing to eat besides the main meals, which are unpopular anyway and *cough* I’m allergic to the ingredients anyway so THANK YOU FOR THE NUTRITIOUS MEALS, and I literally have to go without lunch and break some days because the food isn’t a) good by any standard or b) even food

I’m not being dramatic here; but school pretty much makes you eat food you don’t like because there isn’t enough (or any) decent food. And guess what? We’re not allowed to talk about food in student council. Ok, school. Riddle me this.

If everyone complains about something that they literally pay for and this affects their health, mental wellbeing and concentration, should you:

a) Do literally nothing and laugh at our misery
b) Make said thing free
c) Actually change the things that receive complaints

At the moment, my school is literally doing nothing and I’m really pissed about that.

3) Friends

Ok, so there’s this one girl in my “friend group” and she is the kinda girl who has mood swings over literally nothing. She didn’t talk to me for a week because I didn’t go to her netball match and ‘I don’t care about her enough’. Ok, sherlock. When we talk about someone else’s problems, this girl always turns the attention to herself and tells us about how she’s the kid crying in the corner while everyone else gets attention. But when we talk to her, she doesn’t want to talk to us. Then after a week of ignoring us, she wants to be our friend again with no explanation? Then this whole thing happens all the time because of something literally minor. Like, I’m kind of over her. I know how this girl works; I’ve been friends with her for 7 years, and this happens all the time. And I’m frankly, sick of it. I’m sick of the things it does to me, I’m sick of her narcissistic attitude and I’m just sick of it. I was going to the school field with one of my actual friends and this girl walked up to us and was like ‘can I follow you?’. I didn’t say anything but my friend and I rolled our eyes hoping the girl would kinda buzz off. My friend had only been at the school for a few months, and even she was sick of this girl. Like, I feel like I’m being mean but I’m walking through lazers every time I talk to this girl. After 7 years, I’m sick of it.

4) Music

Ok, so the new twenty one pilots (aka a band I’m obsessed with) album dropped today and tbh I don’t like album release days. I like listening to the same some over and over on repeat so I can properly dissect it, construct daydreams for it etc, but on album release days, I’m kinda expected to listen to the whole album in one go which I don’t do unless it’s a CD so I can listen to the CD in the background when I’m doing homework, organising my room etc. I’ve heard all the pre-released songs (duh) and love all of them, I’ve listened to Morph and dissected it and IT’S AMAZING. I also saw the new music video and am SHOOKETH and am using it as pretty much one giant whump prompt.

Also, I started listening to mid Panic! albums and am obsessed as well. I’m listening to ‘Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die’ and tbh it’s way more salty than v&v. (If you don’t know much about panic! then sorry lmao)

Imma be cool and basically summarise each album because why not.

Fever
– Emo
– Fall out boy has song title competition tbh
– Literally written with a dart board and dictionary

Pretty. Odd.
– Literally gayer than the LGBT+ flag
– Literally more beatle-y than the Beatles
– Last album with my boi ryro (cri)

Vices & virtues
– Written by a victorian
– Nobody knows any songs from it except the ballad of mona lisa and Sarah smiles
– Kinda like a revenge album (not MCR related revenge lmao)

Too Weird to Live
– Saltier than the sea
– Bisexual as hell
– Yes we love loud chorus starters

Death of a Bachelor
– The whole album is a giant bop tbh
– Either sinatra or a strip club song
– My fav panic! album personally

Pray for the wicked
– Brendon just saying how he’s Satan for 35 mins
– Also a giant bop but not as much as DOAB
– Literally no colour scheme just PUPPETS.

Ok, so that was pretty much it. Sorry that this was a really long post. I’m thinking of doing in-depth album and song summaries because that sounds cool. I’m going to go because I have a headache and I’ve been writing this for 45 mins and I’m tired.

Chaio!

~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂