Ok so a lot happened during this past month, but I’m pretty impressed with the way I’m handling things. Since I don’t want more people up my back, I’d just spare you the details and say that friendships were lost, bags were bought and advent calendars have (not) been bought.
I’m actually coming to my senses and I’m not pouring out my feelings to people who don’t care 😀 I just bottle it up and listen to happily existential songs to resignate with my decreasing will to live…
Actually, that’s not true. For some reason, I’ve been in a good mood and normally when I lose a very close friend I would be crying for weeks and texting them like crazy trying to make up, but I only cried for about two days and just found new (better) friends and took myself off a lot of group chats. So I consider myself handling this situation well. I’m finding new hobbies and focussing on myself for once and doing things for myself 😀
I thought this was actually the trough of my school career, but I’ve found myself with better friends, more motivation and less need to control what I say to people which is a good thing because my humour is basically gay, emo, existential jokes and I actually found a friend who has the same humour as me 🙂
I’m also seeing Billie Eilish next year 😀 (I’m not a huge fan of her but she’s at the Reading Festival 2019 and I’m going anyway to see TOP).
Anyway, I’m not a festive person. We don’t have our tree up, we don’t have any decor up, I haven’t even done cards or shopped for presents. Aka, I’m unprepared 🙂
I’m not really a big Christmas person, to be honest. I find it very stressful because I’m now in charge of shopping for my friends but all their presents are very expensive (and there are like 7 people to shop for ). In addition, we have family coming over and that’s always very stressful because I get very self-conscious about my MD (even around my parents) and my anxiety, and my house is tiny. So basically I’m either going to have to admit to them that I have this ‘mental condition’ or just hide in my room all day 😀 (I got told off last year for doing that). On top of that ( 🙂 ), I’m not a huge fan of most Christmas food and I don’t want to embarrass myself by having a ‘special meal’ (I’m also VERY self-conscious of my food and eating habits, and hate eating around people I don’t know and will skip meals if it means I have to eat in front/with people I don’t know).
I prefer my birthday because it’s always in the Easter holidays (I was born on 4/4) and I pretty much get the whole day to myself where I can do whatever I want. I can go shopping and spend £200 and not feel guilty (I do anyway), I can have fast food all day instead of going to a restaurant, I get presents just for myself. This sounds really self-centred (and it is), but I just think it’s nicer because it’s all my day instead of a ‘family’ day.
You probably know (and if you don’t go to my December archives) that I suck at socialising in the Christmas time so everyone #prayforbloggerofthebloggish 🙂
Hopefully you will have a better Christmas than me and I’ll probably post an Xmas haul soon