Ok, PLEASE LISTEN (Literally I’ve done this like 3 times and NOBODY listens to me so I’m making this sticky lol)

There has been a lot of drama going on (at this time) and I just want you to listen.

First, what happens here STAYS HERE. If you don’t like a post, DO NOT ADDRESS THIS IN PERSON. Surprisingly, I’m a human.

Just a depressed anxious stupid human.

Second, I do not mention names, and if you know a post is about you, then that’s your own fault. Starting now, I’m not taking any posts down unless there is a LEGITIMATE reason, (and no, me referring to you as ‘a girl’ and being “revealed” is not a legitimate reason).

And finally, if you don’t like this blog why are you reading? There’s a wonderful X in the top right of your browser. Also, this is where I express myself. I hate keeping a diary because I just hate writing because I get hand cramps. I’m horrible at music, and I will probably play high A’s all the time. I don’t like drawing because I’m terrible and never finish. I’m very impulsive when I post, and NO IT IS NOT EASY TO TALK TO AN ADULT.

Whenever I talk to my dad I get this ‘oh stop complaining’
Whenever I talk to my mom she gets mad at me.
I don’t want to talk to teachers because like *my parents* I’ll be the lonely solider with a water pistol fighting against all of Russia armed with machine guns. It’s not easy. If you actually read my last post I have a disorder so literally ANSWERING A QUESTION in class takes courage. I always feel judged, so it’s easier to talk on the interne because they won’t see my life and judge me.
I can’t talk to childline because my parents tell me off about it.
I want somewhere to express myself. YOU CAN ALL HAVE A PLACE, SO WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY WAY?

*Literally I was considering standing in the road on the way home from school today but if I tell anyone they’ll say ‘oh you have a great life’*

(Impulsive anger rages inside)

Please actually listen and hopefully my life will be adequate


Your depressed sad mad angry lonely suicidal pessimistic hurt ignored ok friend,

~bloggerofthebloggish 😦


Unpopular opinions

Don’t get mad at me in the comments because I’m just saying my opinions 🙂

  • French fries are horrible
  • I consider non-binary and intersex gender identities
  • I believe in 4 genders
  • I don’t really like Antonio Garza, but I love Emma Chamberlain
  • Racism isn’t just directed towards black people; anyone can experience racism
  • Cats are MUCH better than dogs
  • I actually like some k-pop songs but the fandom turns me away from it completely
  • I prefer youtube over TV/Netflix
  • I don’t understand -kin and think it’s bullcrap
  • Gender and sex are different things
  • Oppression can happen anywhere
  • Pink and Sia are very underrated
  • Brynn was the best dancemoms girl
  • Jojo Siwa isn’t that annoying
  • Vessel is better than Trench
  • I actually like school
  • I like Taylor Swift
  • I’ve never been interested in Ariana Grande and haven’t heard the new album
  • Swearing doesn’t equal stupidity
  • The cream in an Oreo is disgusting
  • I used to like Harry Potter but I think it’s boring now
  • Men and women are literally the same except for genitals
  • Rape can be done by anyone, to anyone
  • Mother Theresa was a murderer
  • I prefer Jake over Logan (even though I liked Logan, I stopped supporting him at the start of the year)
  • I don’t like 6ix9ine or X
  • My birthday is better than Christmas
  • I don’t like anime
  • I don’t like chocolate chip cookies
  • Dark chocolate is horrible
  • White chocolate is nice
  • Cadbury chocolate is horrible

Those are some of my unpopular opinions 🙂 please don’t go at me because these are only my opinions and everyone has their own

Let me know if you want a part 2


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

Let’s talk about Maladaptive Daydreaming

So idk what this post even is but i think its going to be a mix of me b*tching about my mental illness but also saying how great it is because honestly its probably one of the best things that ever happened to me lol.

So i’ve told my parents that i have this (like i literally have every symptom) and they don’t want to believe the fact that it actually has significance, but i’m going to try to explain myself and say that this isnt really normal.

According to , these are the symptoms:

  • extremely vivid daydreams with their own characters, settings, plots, and other detailed, story-like features

Anyone who knows about my current daydream knows that i literally went so far as to create a daydream of my character’s social media profile(s) and daydream about what’s on their phone

  • daydreams triggered by real-life events

Lol on halloween i had to go outside and daydream about my character literally on halloween

  • difficulty completing everyday tasks

*cough* Ya girl didn’t revise because of this and also had to rush my morning routine so i could go daydream

  • difficulty sleeping at night

Not all the time, but a quite a lot, i purposely wake myself up when i’m about to fall asleep because i’m having such a good daydream (only when i have good night-daydreams tho which is pretty rare)

  • an overwhelming desire to continue daydreaming

The only reasons i stop daydreaming are if my butt hurts from sitting down too long, if i get too cold/hot to the point of i can’t daydream or if i need to go do something

  • performing repetitive movements while daydreaming

I either walk up and down my garden or push myself on a swing for like an hour straight

  • making facial expressions while daydreaming

I pretend to be my character and i pretend to be her posing for pictures so i think if you watched me daydream you would see me doing a duck-face or some other pose lol

  • whispering and talking while daydreaming

Not all the time, but i do mouth a few lines of dialogue if its an important line or if i won’t be able to keep track of it in my head (i.e. if its continuous dialogue from just one character)

  • daydreaming for lengthy periods (many minutes to hours)

Normally i daydream for around 50 mins at a time, but on a non-school day i do this at least 3 or 4 times, and these 50-minute incraments can be even longer if i’m bored or if i have a really good plotline

So now that we’ve figured out that i have this thing, let me tell you about what it does/my thoughts on it

  • I feel like my grades are dropping because i don’t really study for tests because of this
  • I get a lot of low motivation periods which i now realise are longer and more frequent than they should
  • I don’t have the energy to do things i used to do, like playing the flute or writing
  • I get really restless/irritable if i don’t daydream and get yelled at as a result
  • Normally in the mornings i try to pick out a nice outfit, and do my makeup nicely etc but now i just rush it because i want to daydream and then i don’t like my appearance for the rest of the day
  • If i go on a walk to daydream (basically when i walk to/from school), I get really anxious around strangers because i don’t want people to see me staring at the ground mouthing words to myself
  • I don’t want to not have this though, because i feel fulfilled from it and i consider the people in the daydreams like my friends or alternate personas
  • However, i do want this to be a more on-command thing because even though i want to daydream, i don’t want my brain nagging me to the point of i have to sacrifice my grades and hobbies for it
  • On a positive note, i actually kind of like having this because i feel like it helps me be creative and in class i know how to effectively daydream to control my boredom

I also wanted to say something about my parents again and how they handle it (again) because i just want to

Back in March (i didnt even know i had this but this is when it was kind of obvious especially when i travelled because thats when i most commonly daydreamed (either travelling or walking because i didnt use the swing yet)), my dad and I went to Liverpool and he had this whole thing of ‘don’t be plugged in all the time and actually talk to me’. The thing is, i don’t daydream when i’m walking with other people, only if im on a moving vehicle.

To make things a bit easier, these are the times i can daydream:

  • On a swing (from May 2018 though)
  • Walking alone
  • Travelling in a moving vehicle
  • Sitting in class (rarely)
  • Listening to music in bed (also rarely for day-daydreams)
  • In bed

So I would have talked to my dad anyway when we were in Liverpool. On the train ride there, i was kind of ok, but i was still a bit restless and kinda wished my dad would give this up

On the second train to liverpool (we had to take a seperate train to another liverpool station) i finally made my dad crack and give me my phone but i could definitely tell he wasn’t happy about it

I know my family and probably people i know don’t like that i act like this/think this is weird but let me just say that my brain literally tells me all the time that i should go and daydream, and this feeling doesn’t stop until I go and daydream. It’s not a matter of ‘if you want to, you can go daydream’; it’s ‘you have to go daydream’. This isn’t easily controllable and it also isnt something that started/will go away overnight.

Thanks for reading this post lol i wanted to make this for such a long time because i just wanted to talk about it and i think i have quite a severe case (especially since when I started using the swing back in May) and i wanted to talk about it because i dont think my family and people around me understand this fully and don’t believe me when i say that this isn’t normal.


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

I saw Bohemian Rhapsody

Ok, so I just got back from the movies because today I saw Bohemian Rhapsody, basically a movie about Freddie Mercury and his life in Queen. Being a huge Queen fan, ya girl had to go see it so I’m going to give you my thoughts on it even though nobody cares 😀

Let me give you some background because music is a big part of my life and I just wanted to talk about this because I feel it adds more to the movie ‘review’ if I talk about this.
I was brought up listening to 70s pop. Like, until I was around 11, my main bands of choice were The Beatles, ABBA, and Queen. I was never into current pop until I started Senior school, and then mid-way through year 8, I discovered Emo music, so my music taste has always been a weird hybrid of rock and pop. I am a huge Queen fan; I’ve loved them for around 4 years and even though I don’t listen to them as much now, I’m still a lifelong fan and still group them with my favourite bands.

Now that that’s out of the way, let me actually talk about the movie.

This is my first ‘grown-up’ movie; it had swear words and sex scenes in it, unlike the other movies I’ve seen before. At the start of the movie, I was kinda bored because it focused on the beginning a lot and the relationship with Mary Austin, which was very fascinating to me but I don’t want to give spoilers so I’m not saying anything.

The movie also focused on Freddie leaving Queen and the way that it looked to me, it reminded me of stuff that’s been going on in my life lately. The way the situation panned out, the way Freddie acted reminded me a lot of me and what’s been going on with regards to my friends. That kind of reassured me, because if Freddie can get through something like that and everything regarding his love life, then I can too. That sounds really corny but I’ve really felt alone with regards to my feelings and what’s been happening around me over the past few days, and I feel like I needed that ‘he’s been through this and still made it, so you can too’ kind of message. Freddie reminded me of myself a lot because his leadership, impulse and general sparky attitude reflect my own traits almost uncannily so I think I connected to this movie in a way and more than others normally would.

In general, I thought the movie was absolutely magical. Being such a fan of Freddie and ‘learning’ that he faced the same issues I face now, it isn’t a movie I’m going to forget soon, and it might even be my favourite movie.

I also feel a connection with the movie and Freddie’s ‘storyline’ because I feel it relates a lot to myself and I’m literally about to cry because I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone I idolise so much have such a similar personality to me, and being someone that typically strays away from societal norm, this was an implicit message I really needed to hear.

Before I finish this post, I just wanted to say thanks to everyone involved in the movie, and to Freddie because even though I’m just one kid, your movie really helped me find myself and have someone to relate to when I feel as crappy as I do. Thank you so much, and just remember that you’ve helped at least one person.

I’m literally going to cry I loved that movie so much.

~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

Stuck in a rut

Ok so im sorry for venting a little again but this feeling has been dragging me down all day and i feel like i dont know how im meant to react/feel or what im meant to do because

Actually let me explain

When I feel like being a human, I (like most people) have lots of hobbies, including:

  • Writing
  • Listening to music
  • Daydreaming
  • Playing flute
  • Makeup
  • Organisation (ordering etc)
  • Bingeing youtube videos

Etc etc

Lately, this is what ive been feeling

  • I dont want to write (I have ideas/prompts on my pinterest but i havent had the energy to write and i lost my ‘touch’ (basically when i use advanced vocabulary and immerse myself in my writing to make it 1000x better))
  • I like listening to music but i cant think of any daydreams to go with them (bc y’all know i daydream obsessively)
  • I dont have any good day-daydreams (which is really bad because they’re really easy to come up with)
  • I haven’t touched my flute all holiday
  • I have to do a music project (which i would normally like to do because i like projects) but ive only done 1 page and i havent even SCRATCHED the surface of the project
  • I can’t think of any good makeup looks and keep doing the same brown/gold look every day
  • I organise too much (which is bad for me because even though i love organising i also hate having new layouts all the time (even though i love the process of making new layouts) because i like semi-consistency)
  • I couldn’t sit through a 10-minute youtube video made by (one of) my favourite youtubers and im not really liking the youtubers i normally watch
  • All ive been doing is checking my phone anxiously waiting for a reply from someone who i think hates me because she hasnt read my texts but shes been online but she hasnt said that she hates me but she hasnt said that we’re cool either
  • I went shopping a few days ago and i spent loads of money in a high-end shop and didnt get a buzz like i normally do when i buy literally anything

I dont know if this is hormones or something else because i still have another week of half term and i dont want to be unmotivated for school

I also feel really scared because i cherish my holidays and i feel like this one is slipping right through my fingers while i watch

(Update- apparently the girl that im waiting for a reply from is mad at me but SHE DIDNT TELL ME AND NOW I AM PISSED BECAUSE IM NOT A F*CKING PSYCHIC)

I feel like im about to cry now thats great

Ever since this school year started these 2 girls in my friend group have pretty much turned on the rest of us and the group is falling apart and i dont want to lose my friends




Ok so im gonna vent a little bc ugh my mental state recently hasnt been good so heh imma talk here

My mom is randomly pissed at me today. I was getting picked up by one of my friends to go to another friends house and I KID YOU NOT like 5 seconds before my friend arrived this was our conversation (i’m in bold btw)

‘Text me when you get there’


‘You better text me when you get there!’

‘I said fine’

(Cue my mom getting pissed at me)

Then when i got home, this was the convo between my mom and i (im in bold again)

‘How was *blank’s* house?’

‘It was cool. We talked about how this family is cheap (idk why i said that ugh)’

(Cue my mom slamming the kitchen door in my face and not talking to me. I get that i shouldnt have said the cheap thing but what happened next was totally uncalled for in my opinion)

(Im in the kitchen making some food and my mom walks in, im in bold again)

‘Are you mad at me?’

‘No’ (but like in a ‘yes im mad’ tone)

‘Are you mad at me?’

‘No. Just the usual’

‘whats the usual?’

‘You know what the usual is’

‘Uh, no i dont’

‘I talked to you today for five minutes and most of that was you complaining about how i do things wrong (it wasnt) so why would i want to talk to you?’

(Cue my mom walking out again)

Also, one of my friends started a prank and got me basically roped in and at the end (aka last night) she told me to roast her really hard and see how the rest of the group would react. They got pissed (obvs) and this girl idk if she even wants to talk to me because ive been left on read but one of the other girls sent me screenshots and she said that the girl was fine?

So right now i feel really empty and i feel like i shouldnt talk to anyone because it will make them angry and i shouldnt tell how i feel to ppl because ill sound like a victim and im already complaining

Im sorry i just feel so empty and sad i really want to talk to someone but theyre probably going to get mad at me i feel so sad


Friend drama

Ok so im doing this on my phone because i dont want to use my laptop so uh sorry if my grammar sucks.

Basically my friendship group is falling apart and ugh im kinda in a bad place rn so i really want to vent on here.

Before we start, im kinda surprised that im not completely breaking because by this time i would have broken out the scissors (yes i use scissors not knives because uh my parents should NOT see me trying to make blood come out of my arms) but idk i dont feel that broken, just like numb.

Drama 1

Ok, so there’s been this thing where me and A (from the ouija board post) have been gossiping about this girl K (thats not what her name starts with but it makes sense if u were in the friend group before the end of august) because she has this tendancy to make things about herself and since we had a big fight in the group i havent really been on her side and consider her toxic because she does cause a lot of emotional turmoil and she has lots of symptoms of being a toxic friend. Me and A decided to just stop gossiping and tell K. We told K in a music room in school, along with 2 other friends there (imma call them W and E). K saw us and was playing the piano, not stopping (we kinda told her that she was being toxic at lunch before this), even after A told her to stop. It got so bad that E had to physically unplug the piano. A and I were angry because K started crying and making a big scene and we kinda wanted to put our input. K went on a crybaby rant because we asked her to apologise for basically abusing us (theres lots of stuff that K did to us that was wrong) and she was like ‘sorry for existing’ and BOI I GOT PISSED. I was practically shaking with anger and K wanted to talk to us on monday (aka tomorrow bc this convo happened on friday) but A and I knew full well that she was going to blow us off so HEH thats a friendship gone.

But like our whole class is on mine and A’s side so i guess we’re doing something right.

K, if youre reading this, please grow the f*** up. You are being immature and you need a dose of reality.

Drama 2

This one didnt directly involve me but uh its about the group chat AGAINN 😀

So there are 4 people involved: Me, W, H (idk what to call her ok) and S.

Even though we’re all close friends on the group chat, me and H are really close and W and S are really close. Basically a fight breaks out between W and H which ends in H telling W to go kill herself. I was doing homework when this happened and i was kinda reading the messages not knowing what to do. H and W left the group chat and basically were pissed at each other. S was pissed on H but idk i was kinda on H’s side because she has the same kind of mental health traits as me (aka also broken like me) and I kinda have a crush on her so i didnt want to leave her side. Im still cool with S and hopefully W.

H isn’t friends with S or W anymore and tbh i feel like the group is falling apart. It’s only me, A and N (the girl from the matlock bath posts who i will call N because thats the initial of a nickname i give her) left completely and we’re having a big sleepover (me, N, A, S and W) in a few weeks and i dont want this to fail. I decided to not invite H because it will be awkward. Im not directly in this so hopefully it will be ok.

Anyway gtg im on facetime with someone and its awkward because im not saying anything lol


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

I really need to vent

Ok, first of all, sorry for being absent for like a month. I really wanted to post but I never had the time/effort/courage to but today I am literally dead and I really need to talk to someone so um here ya go my doots 🙂

1) My school 

Ok, so if you know me IRL or have been stalking my school posts, you know I go to an all-girls private school. I like going to an all-girls school, because I went to a co-ed school until year 6 (5th grade) and honestly I would get pissed off all the time because of the boys. I don’t like a lot of boys. First, they kinda scare me because they are quite irrational (in my opinion) and chavvy (also in my opinion, and this isn’t about all boys, just ones I see a lot) and also we can talk about girl topics openly in school because *cough* we’re all girls so nothing’s bad about that.

Guess what? As of next year, my school will be a mixed school. As in, girls and boys. Now, they’re only joining in 6th form/years 12-13 (11th-12th grade) and year 7 (6th grade) and I’m going into year 10 (9th grade) next year so they won’t be in my year. I’m not sure how to react because on one hand, it will be kinda cool having boys and the ones I see will be in year 7 but one the other hand, I don’t think my anxiety is ready for that and also, my school turned 125 years old i think last year or the year before, and it’s always been a girls school, so it’s kinda just telling the entire school history to f- itself.

And this is kinda stressing me out because I don’t know how I’m meant to react because I’m not mad but I’m not happy, but ugh I don’t know how I feel and the fact that I don’t know what I feel makes me mad because I like lots of definitive conclusions.

2) Food

This is kinda the same as school because it’s about school food and I know my school reads my blog so if you’re not going to listen to the rest of us at least listen to this.

Not. One. Person. Likes. The. Food. Like, that’s easy. Every single person I talked to about the food hates it. Let me just put everything into bullet points because there’s a lot of stuff wrong with the new catering system.

  • There are lots of unnecessary fruits/vegetables in already healthy food
  • Break time snacks aren’t even food anymore, and when they are, they are poorly made and flavourless
  •  Even the bread is given strange ingredients that make me retch every time I eat it
  • The sandwiches are put in sweet/dessert buns and the buns are flat anyway
  • Leftovers are thrown away. I’m talking a whole tray with 100+ servings of fish was dumped in the trash even though it was fresh
  • We don’t have pizza anymore 😦
  • There are days when there is nothing to eat besides the main meals, which are unpopular anyway and *cough* I’m allergic to the ingredients anyway so THANK YOU FOR THE NUTRITIOUS MEALS, and I literally have to go without lunch and break some days because the food isn’t a) good by any standard or b) even food

I’m not being dramatic here; but school pretty much makes you eat food you don’t like because there isn’t enough (or any) decent food. And guess what? We’re not allowed to talk about food in student council. Ok, school. Riddle me this.

If everyone complains about something that they literally pay for and this affects their health, mental wellbeing and concentration, should you:

a) Do literally nothing and laugh at our misery
b) Make said thing free
c) Actually change the things that receive complaints

At the moment, my school is literally doing nothing and I’m really pissed about that.

3) Friends

Ok, so there’s this one girl in my “friend group” and she is the kinda girl who has mood swings over literally nothing. She didn’t talk to me for a week because I didn’t go to her netball match and ‘I don’t care about her enough’. Ok, sherlock. When we talk about someone else’s problems, this girl always turns the attention to herself and tells us about how she’s the kid crying in the corner while everyone else gets attention. But when we talk to her, she doesn’t want to talk to us. Then after a week of ignoring us, she wants to be our friend again with no explanation? Then this whole thing happens all the time because of something literally minor. Like, I’m kind of over her. I know how this girl works; I’ve been friends with her for 7 years, and this happens all the time. And I’m frankly, sick of it. I’m sick of the things it does to me, I’m sick of her narcissistic attitude and I’m just sick of it. I was going to the school field with one of my actual friends and this girl walked up to us and was like ‘can I follow you?’. I didn’t say anything but my friend and I rolled our eyes hoping the girl would kinda buzz off. My friend had only been at the school for a few months, and even she was sick of this girl. Like, I feel like I’m being mean but I’m walking through lazers every time I talk to this girl. After 7 years, I’m sick of it.

4) Music

Ok, so the new twenty one pilots (aka a band I’m obsessed with) album dropped today and tbh I don’t like album release days. I like listening to the same some over and over on repeat so I can properly dissect it, construct daydreams for it etc, but on album release days, I’m kinda expected to listen to the whole album in one go which I don’t do unless it’s a CD so I can listen to the CD in the background when I’m doing homework, organising my room etc. I’ve heard all the pre-released songs (duh) and love all of them, I’ve listened to Morph and dissected it and IT’S AMAZING. I also saw the new music video and am SHOOKETH and am using it as pretty much one giant whump prompt.

Also, I started listening to mid Panic! albums and am obsessed as well. I’m listening to ‘Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die’ and tbh it’s way more salty than v&v. (If you don’t know much about panic! then sorry lmao)

Imma be cool and basically summarise each album because why not.

– Emo
– Fall out boy has song title competition tbh
– Literally written with a dart board and dictionary

Pretty. Odd.
– Literally gayer than the LGBT+ flag
– Literally more beatle-y than the Beatles
– Last album with my boi ryro (cri)

Vices & virtues
– Written by a victorian
– Nobody knows any songs from it except the ballad of mona lisa and Sarah smiles
– Kinda like a revenge album (not MCR related revenge lmao)

Too Weird to Live
– Saltier than the sea
– Bisexual as hell
– Yes we love loud chorus starters

Death of a Bachelor
– The whole album is a giant bop tbh
– Either sinatra or a strip club song
– My fav panic! album personally

Pray for the wicked
– Brendon just saying how he’s Satan for 35 mins
– Also a giant bop but not as much as DOAB
– Literally no colour scheme just PUPPETS.

Ok, so that was pretty much it. Sorry that this was a really long post. I’m thinking of doing in-depth album and song summaries because that sounds cool. I’m going to go because I have a headache and I’ve been writing this for 45 mins and I’m tired.


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

I have another mental disorder :D

Ok, so this one isn’t technically as much as a mental disorder as things like depression, OCD etc but it’s becoming more recognised as a mental disorder so why not write about it?

So, if you’ve been a long-time follower (or just stalked my archives) or have seen my daydreaming post then you know I love daydreaming. I have loads of OCs and scenarios that I just switch to. My main OC (called Chelsea) is a ‘better’ version of me – she is really sporty, really smart, very tough etc. She also has really severe depression (due to her past) but we will just leave that now lol. I imagine Chelsea as my ‘alternate persona’ – she doesn’t take crap from anyone and is pretty much fearless. I sometimes use her behaviours in real life because I’m literally such a pushover/doormat. I’ve had this ‘alternate persona’ for years – even before I created Chelsea, I had loads of alternate personas that all had the same set of behaviours and I thought this was normal, since all my friends have OCs and I know a lot of people that have vivid daydreams. The thing with me, though, is that I always sense that things in my behaviour are off, but nobody actually cares enough to listen and assumes that it’s just normal. So I start to think that. So when I say to myself ‘hey, I don’t think I’m right’ – I feel like I’m going to be labelled as an attention seeker because I’ve always been told I was normal. Tonight I was on pinterest and saw this post:


I was literally SHOOKETH because I had this for years, since I was like 5. So it definitely wasn’t brought on by hormones. I googled maladaptive daydreaming and found this:


I read the paragraph and I’ve never related to something so much in my life. I’m not trying to be funny I’m actually serious. I have made myself cry as one of my OCs, I have thousands of unfinished stories in my head, I’m always lost in my daydreams. I thought it was normal, since I’ve done it for so long. I can daydream for hours at a time with no problem. When I’m on my own, I pretend to pose/act like my characters would. I literally had no idea that this wasn’t normal. I also take my day’s events and turn them into daydreams for my OCs but also change them a bit. For example, I started school yesterday, so I imagined one of my OCs starting 9th grade (Year 10) after being off for over a year due to work (this OC is a dancer btw). I literally thought this was normal. Because I would tell people that I don’t think it is normal, then get told that it is normal, then not find out that it isn’t normal until years later, normally coincidentally on tumblr or pinterest. In the article that the paragraph above is from, it says that people with MD (maladaptive daydreaming) spend around 4 hours a day daydreaming. That’s pretty accurate for me; on weekends I spend around 4-5 hours a day daydreaming (I think), and school days, around 3-4 hours. (This is when I actually have proper daydreaming time with music, not counting the times I daydream in bed or when I just wake up.) I also read on the same article that people with MD are ‘drawn’ to daydreaming in a compulsive way. I HAVE LITERALLY NEVER UNDERSTOOD SOMETHING MORE. When I’m getting ready in the morning, I have this weird urge to go daydream outside and that means I kinda rush so I can go daydream. I literally never thought this was normal.

I also read that it can affect my day-to-day life, which is probably true and literally all the sources I’m reading says that I need to ‘control’ my daydreams but I get really sad because I created so many fictional utopias and I don’t want them to go away in an instant. I don’t want to abandon so much that I’ve created, and even though they’re only in my head, they seem real and kind of like a coping mechanism. When I’m upset or anxious, I just drift to my fictional universes and I don’t want all that to go away in an instant. So I’m not really sure I want help for my disorder because it literally depresses me to the point of tears when the thought of abandoning my characters comes up.

I definitely have this, and I think I have the extreme version because it says that in the most extreme cases, people can daydream for 4+ hours a day, which is pretty accurate for me. I also read stuff from people with MD and they said some daydreams involve their own lives and some involve random people. I’ve had daydreams about how outings with friends or get-togethers will pan out, but sometimes I shift to my different utopia, although in my fictional utopia, I sometimes insert other real-life people in there. Apparently there’s also a strong link between MD and OCD and we all know how I did on that quiz…

One of the strongest symptoms of MD is repetitive and unconscious movements while daydreaming, and I normally sit outside on my swing when I daydream, and I subconsciously push myself with my right foot without even feeling it. I have to push myself every single time though otherwise it just feels weird.

MD is also associated with ADHD, anxiety, depression and OCD so get ready as I embark on this mental health rollercoaster 😀 (Actually I already know I have anxiety and I probably have depression and OCD but I don’t actually know and I definitely don’t have ADHD because I can be still/quiet for a long time). Also, 28% of MD people have attempted suicide. I haven’t attempted suicide but I’ve definitely considered it at least over 20 times and I’ve self harmed a few times.

Anyway, that was my discovery of my new mental disorder 🙂 Stay tuned to see if I have anything else *gulp*


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

The first day of school post that everyone wants to see

Ok, so I just started Year 9 (8th grade) and let me give you the classic, first-day of school post that everyone’s been waiting for. My last first days of school haven’t been good, so expect this to be slightly more positive than before 🙂

For the first time in literally forever, I finally have a group of friends in my class. I have a group of friends, but they’re either in the other form or a year ahead so I’m kinda alone. The girl who I did the ouija board with only joined my school in May and we formed a group with another girl already in the friend group. We claimed a 3-seat desk in the form room, not thinking we would have to change seats (we got to choose our seats last year), but the form tutor decided that there had to be a seating plan, even though we only spend like 20 minutes in the form room each day. I’m sat near one of my friends in my group and the other people around me are really nice, so I’m not that mad.

I was freaking out last night, like I woke up at 3AM and 5AM, both absolutely terrified, but whenever I freak out/stress about something it actually turns out well so I guess this was kinda the same thing 😉

Our first ‘lesson’ was a double form period, where we have around an hour in form at the start of each year to get timetables, locker keys, planners etc and I DIDN’T GET A BOTTOM LOCKER 😀 I had one for 2 years and it was literal hell, but this time I got upgraded to a middle locker and I’m on the end so I get space, which was different from last year where I was stuck in the middle of everyone. I also share the locker area with Year 8s so I can just assert my dominance *insert T-pose here* and it’s all good. My timetable isn’t the best, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as my year 7 timetable (it literally sucked) and I was really worried about getting spaces in the changing rooms for PE but the changing rooms have been upgraded so there is actual space.

I got top set in both English and Math (yay) and I was really scared I wasn’t going to be in top set for Math because my report grades weren’t amazing, but I did get a higher score than most people on my end of year exams last year so I think it adds up.

Our first lesson was DT (design tech/wood shop) and our teacher wasn’t even in school so we had to wait forever for the cover teacher to show up. Our lessons are only just over an hour long so we wasted time but I’m not really good at DT so I don’t really care haha. I got to sit next to my friend from my group and I actually made a pretty good mindmap.

After DT, we had break but my friends and I didn’t go because it was so crowded and we didn’t even like what they had for break anyway, so we went to sort out our lockers, and when I tried closing my locker it wouldn’t shut. My friends tried and they couldn’t shut it, so me and one of my friends went to get a new key while the others guarded my locker (I’m not leaving my locker open with an iPhone 7+ in there). I managed to get a new key that actually worked so yay.

Then we had ICT, where we are working on a program I literally used like 4 years ago and the whole lesson was my teacher talking even though he said he wants us to explore the software ourselves. Even though I love ICT, I’m kinda scared for this year because we have a different teacher and my other one literally doted on me so I hope this one does too 🙂

After ICT and lunch (where we literally didn’t do anything interesting), we had RS (religious studies) where we were talking about opinions, debates and judgement and had some grade-A debates about whether we should eat meat. We normally had 2 singles but now we have a double which is sad because I don’t really like RS and I like to have singles because they’re shorter.

After RS, I literally went home and that was it.

I actually loved my first day at school, which I normally don’t (read this post and this post to understand) so this was a step-up. I’m actually excited for tomorrow but we have the same teacher for 2 periods (aka 2hrs 20 mins) and she’s really strict so oof.


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

OCD test

Ok so I’m watching a ‘day in the life of someone with OCD’ where basically they walk to school and they have a little inner voice narrating the video and I related to a lot of the things the guy was doing, so I decided to write out the symptoms and see if I do/have these things. Also I start school tomorrow rip.

• Fear of being contaminated by germs or dirt or contaminating others

I’m not a germophobe but when I get home I always feel ‘dirty’ and don’t feel comfortable unless I’ve washed my hands

• Fear of losing control and harming yourself or others

Literally me at a train station; I’m terrified of jumping onto the track, and I get terrified if myself or anyone else is close to the track

• Intrusive sexually explicit or violent thoughts and images

I have a group chat with some friends where we talk about sex all the time oof

• Excessive focus on religious or moral ideas

Idk about this one but I have been thrown into a lot of religious arguements from my dad

• Fear of losing or not having things you might need

Me every day before walking to school

• Order and symmetry: the idea that everything must line up “just right”

If anyone looks at my room they will see that it’s organised but I also get stressed if everything is too precise

• Superstitions; excessive attention to something considered lucky or unlucky

I don’t really believe in supersitions

Common compulsive behaviors in OCD include:

• Excessive double-checking of things, such as locks, appliances, and switches

Idk if I do this, but sometimes I do

• Repeatedly checking in on loved ones to make sure they’re safe

Lol not me at all I never check up on people oops

• Counting, tapping, repeating certain words, or doing other senseless things to reduce anxiety

I DO THIS SO MUCHH I find patterns in literally everything in my garden, and I do things like this to reduce anxiety (but it’s patterns rather than counting)

• Spending a lot of time washing or cleaning

That is me so much

• Ordering or arranging things “just so”

I have different orders/combos but I do like to order/arrange things

• Praying excessively or engaging in rituals triggered by religious fear

I’m not religious

• Accumulating “junk” such as old newspapers or empty food containers

I do this a lot, but only if the container is unusual to what I normally see

So idk if I have OCD (I probably don’t) but I do relate to quite a lot of symptoms, but that’s probably because I have anxiety tho. If I do have OCD, it’s going to be a mild form

I also did a test and this is what I got so idk let me know because I have no idea lmao

Rip me tomorrow in school 😭


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂


School thoughts

Ok, so I really wanted to write this because I feel really nauseous and stressed and it’s like 11pm and I’m trying to keep my sleep schedule good for school so I just need to get some things off of my chest and talk about school because honestly I want to talk about school.

I found 20 questions from: because I can’t think of questions and I want to answer some questions 😉

If you’re wondering, I’m starting Year 9 (8th grade) and it starts on Thursday (30th) because we break off for summer really early (in England anyway).

  1. When did you start school? Do you remember your first day?
    I started school when I was 4 but I started the school I go to now when I was 7. I remember my first day of my current school but not of my first school. All I remember is a picture of me in front of my school and I had a horrible fake smile lol.
  2. How far did you have to travel from home to school? How did you get to school?
    I’m a lucky person because I only live a 15 minute walk to school (10 minutes if I walk fast or I go the shorter route) so I walk because I hate taking the local bus and my parents don’t own a car. (We live really close to literally everything so it’s not that big of an issue)
  3. Did you enjoy school life? What did you like and dislike about it?
    Generally, I enjoy it because I actually like lessons and it helps a lot when I get into a lesson because it distracts me from my anxiety but I don’t like anything that involves talking in front of a lot of people or anything to do with sports.
  4. Who was your favorite teacher? What do you remember about him or her?
    My favourite teacher in primary school (elementary school) was my year 6 (5th grade) teacher because she doted on me and I just loved her. My favourite middle/secondary school teacher would probably be my history teacher because I’m also doted on by her and she’s just a nice unusual person.
  5. What was your favorite subject at school? Why?
    My favourite subject was always computing because I just had a natural passion for it. I also really like Math but nobody else does so that’s kinda sad. I also like Spanish because my mom knows Spanish so I get a leg-up on everyone else 😉
  6. Did you have to wear a uniform to school? If so, what did yours look like?
    YES. I have to wear a uniform (almost all English schools require uniform), and mine is basically a dark blue blazer and a dark green plaid skirt. I actually quite like the uniform even though it’s really posh (I go to a private school so obviously it would be posh).
  7. What are the pros and cons of uniforms for school kids?
    Pros – you don’t have to choose an outfit, you don’t get judged. Cons – it can be really boring and if you don’t like your uniform that’s tough luck.
  8. How many children were there in your class? What is the best number of students for a class?
    In my class for next year there is 23 people which isn’t too bad but when I was younger there was like 15 people.
  9. Did you go to any academies or receive any tutoring outside of your main school?
    I took music lessons in school but with private teachers to learn an instrument but I didn’t take tutoring for subjects I was already studying because I get good grades anyway.
  10. What did you and your classmates do during your lunch break?
    In summer, we normally played tennis on the courts but in winter we sit in the library and talk because the couches are really nice there haha.
  11. Was there bullying at your school? Did you have to deal with any bullies?
    At my first school, yes. I kept getting punched every day but in this school not really, because my school is pretty small and I’m pretty unpopular so I don’t get in too much drama.
  12. Did you get a lot of homework?
    I get around an hour-1 1/2 hours of homework a night, which I actually enjoy because I get really bored in the evenings so homework gives me something to do.
  13. How much sport did you do at school?
    We had about an hour and 45 minutes of PE a week, plus sports day and house sports, but I pretty much only did the former because I never signed up for any extra sports because I SUUCK.
  14. Was art a significant part of your schooling?
    We had art classes and we had art competitions quite a bit, so I guess.
  15. Did you learn any practical subjects like woodwork or cooking? What do you think about that kind of practical education?
    We did DT (design tech) and FN (food nutrition) each for half a year and I liked the subjects but the teachers were pretty hit-or-miss.
  16. Were your schools single-sex or co-educational?
    My first school and part of my second was co-ed, but my secondary school is an all-girls school.
  17. Were you involved in any musical or theatrical performances at school?
    I’m not a drama kid, but I play two instruments in school so I did a lot of musical performances.
  18. When students behaved badly, how were they punished at your school?
    We were given ‘penalty points’ and if you get 3 in one term, I think you get detention and a phone call home. Or we were just yelled at to shut up lol.
  19. What do you think about physical punishment?
  20. Did you ever skip school? What did you do instead of going to school?
    I’ve skipped school to go on a family reunion/holiday and I’ve also pretended to be way sicker than I was so I could stay home sick. I’m glad I had a fake sick day though because that’s when I discovered emo music and now I’ve never looked back.

So that was a little questionnaire and I’m just going to list my thoughts randomly because I just want to say them.

  • I’m excited to come back so there will be a new group of year 7s (6th grade) to boss around.
  • I’m kinda scared about not being in the top math set for next year because I’ve always been in top set and my report grades weren’t that good.
  • I’m hoping my timetable will be good next year.
  • I’m hoping I will finally get a top locker (I’m literally the tallest in the year group and I’ve had a bottom locker for 2 years) because the school is moving around a bunch of lockers and we’re all swapping anyway.
  • Basically, on the day before the first day of school, the year 7s (6th grade) have an induction day, where they get their locker key, timetable, planner etc (even though you get those in double form period from year 8 (7th grade) anyway, but those form periods are used for ‘settling in’ in year 7 anyway), and I’m going to be a troll and walk past my school on the induction day; no uniform, headphones in and hopefully troll the year 7s that know who I am.
  • I’m hoping I won’t get an anxiety attack in the middle of form period (I did last year and I just sniffed my hand sanitizer until it went away (it’s a eucalypts-scented one)).
  • I know I’m going to be in top set English next year (I got good exam results and really good report grades, not to mention getting level 7s and 8s on my assignments (8+ I think is the highest you can get) but the teacher is way too lax and I’ve had her before and I’ve been bored throughout all of her lessons. And I only had her for a double period a week, now I’m going to have her for 2 double periods. Apparently top set English is fun in year 9, according to my friends (who are starting year 10/9th grade).

Those are pretty much all of my thoughts for next year, but expect a first day of school post either on Thursday or the weekend because I will want to share a lot, basically my timetable haha.


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂



Ok, so yesterday (25th), I went to see one of my favourite bands, Panic! At the Disco and UGH I HAD SUCH A GOOD TIME. I’ve been hyping this up ever since the festival was announced a few months ago and I’m on my way back and slowly dying because this is over. I’m seeing Panic! again in March tho (for my 14th birthday) and I’m also seeing Tøp in February. Anyway, I had never been to a festival or concert before, so let me tell you about it 😀

Here is all the songs that Brendon aka Beebo sang (sorry if the picture sucks I’m on the train and was too lazy to make it look nice) (btw the songs aren’t in order)

I had to use a sticker because of my last name lol (also peep another panic! bop at the bottom lol)

When we got there (which took like 3 hours lol), we went to ‘the pit’ and saw this band called Bloodyouth (idk who they are) and I saw like 2 minutes of them but they were pretty good.

We went to the main stage and this guy called NERD was playing and my mom and I were just clapping awkwardly because we didn’t know the songs. I was actually really impressed and might download some of this guy’s songs.

(Update: I found out this is pharrell williams lol)

Then, at 8:05, BEEBO CAME ON!!!!!!! I LOST MY SH*T AND WAS SCREAMING SO LOUD AYY. They also played my favourite Panic! song (Don’t threaten me with a good time) second in the concert so I WAS LOSING MY SH*T.

During the third song (Hey, look ma, I made it), there was a load of drunks at the back of the crowd (we were really close to the stage and in the middle of everyone) pushing so my mom and I had to squeeze through a million people to get space (we didn’t leave the crowd; we just left the pushy area) so that wasn’t that fun 😦

There was a girl passing out paper hearts and basically you shone your phone light through the paper during girls/girls/boys (basically that song is about LGBT and a pride anthem amongst us gay emos and Brendon (aka the whole band of panic!) came out as pansexual recently so this song holds very dear to the whole fandom’s hearts) and YA GORL COPPED ONE. There was a girl behind me saying ‘oh my god, you got a heart’ so that was a moment of validation 🙂

Near the middle of the concert, it was really hot (even though it was outside) and I literally felt like I was going to faint/puke but I knew that if I left the crowd/had to go back to the hotel I would never live it down because it’s my first concert and I want it to be a good one and not be a wimp. I managed to hold out though 🙂

During the second to last song (Say amen/saturday night) my throat died but I kept on screaming anyway lol

I literally felt so happy because BRENDON WAS A PERSON AND NOT A VOICE OR PICTURE and I was just jamming out and sing-screaming

Ok that was pretty much me during the whole concert

Here are most of the pictures (I took a load of videos but not really at the end because I was too lazy) and one of them is even my lock screen 🙂

Ya gorl even got merch 🤘🏻😎

Here are the wristbands (I went to a MAC just before I took this and swatched a ton of lipsticks sorry) and IT WAS SO FUNN

Here are pictures of the merch I got 🙂

All in all, it was legendary and I lost my voice lol and I also didn’t sleep until and I woke up at 8:15 😀

I can’t wait to see panic! again in march and also tøp in february so expect blog posts about that too 🙂

Also school starts on Thursday (I’m writing this on Sunday) and I’m not ready rip. But the panic! tickets go on sale the day before school starts so I guess that’s something 😀


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂


AYYY It’s been 4 years! 😀 Before we start the special 4 year post, I wanted to be really corny and make this cute speech for you guys 🙂

I was a very cringey and unpopular kid, so thank you to people who actually followed me and cared about what I had to say because not many people did 🙂 Thank you to the people that commented on my posts, thank you to the people who wrote fanfics about me (you know who you are), and just thank you to the people who helped me get this far. I wanted to delete bloggish so many times and there were so many times when I just hated it and wish I could start over but I’m so happy I stuck with it because I made loads of friends and also learnt a bit about fandoms (DD fandom throwback), internet fights and just people in general. I also was kinda baffled that 13, 14, 15 year olds were actually friends with some 10-year old who was a socially awkward derp and didn’t really know how to act. This blog is my safe space, so thank you to the people that defended me and my space, and also the people who read my blog when I have mental breakdowns, because honestly, writing about these situations on my blog helps me see them in a different light and really helps alleviate my negativity.

Thank you for the most incredible 4 years. Ilysm 😀

Continue reading “HAPPY 4 YEARS :D”

How I daydream

I kinda wanted to do a daydreaming post since I’m pretty good at it and I wanted to share the ways I daydream just in case anyone is stumped on new ways to daydream so here we go.

(N.b: I consider a ‘daydream’ more of a storyline than thinking about random things)

Types of daydreaming (depending on what time it is):

Day daydream – Lively, more positive situations, not a lot of interaction, anger in some cases, usually involving my older OCs (Ages 10+), using music
Night dream (not a real dream in sleep) – Dreamt in bed, sad, more unfortunate situations, lots of interaction between characters, very cute/tender, usually involving my younger OCs (Ages 7-3), not using music

Conditions in order to generate daydreams:

– Must be moving
– Preferably a moving vehicle but swings work too
– Preferably fast (i.e. on a motorway)
– Must have music (music doesn’t have to relate to the daydream)
– Lighting doesn’t matter
– Must be outside/looking out of the window

– Must be still
– Always in bed
– No music needed
– Must have white noise (at home I generally use my air conditioner)
– Must be dark, but not completely dark
– Must have eyes shut, preferably facing the wall


Some songs are given a specific daydream (eg. song x will always make me think of daydream x), but some songs I leave daydream-less just in case I think of a new day dream but don’t have any fresh music to attribute to it, or if I want to think about something that isn’t one of my storylines. Alternatively, I think of some things (e.g. upcoming events) as daydreams where I make my own storyline based on said upcoming event. Once said event has passed, the song used has generally become a daydream-less song because if I listen to a song too much, I don’t like it anymore.

I always had this kind of structure for my daydreams but more recently I began separating them more distinctively and separating the conditions, differences etc. Also what annoys me about daydreaming is when people think every daydream is sitting in a beanbag listening to tranquil music. Music is the biggest part of my day-daydreams, and I have to listen to a specific song to think of a specific daydream, and 100% of the time the music is in no way tranquil. Most of the time the music is emo, but I do have some ’80s pop and current pop thrown in there.

Also, in around half an hour, a special anniversary post should be up so check it out 😉

(It should be up in around 33 mins, to be precise)

That’s basically how I daydream, if you guys wanted to know (you probably didn’t lol)


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

Let’s talk about sexualities pt 2

Ok so last night i had a long talk with my parents and had a long think about my sexuality so basically heres some things i concluded

I don’t feel right saying im straight

I don’t feel right saying im homosexual

I feel somewhat bisexual, somewhat pansexual, and somewhat asexual

I don’t know if im demisexual but i feel like that could be a possibility

I feel somewhere between bisexual and pansexual but not completely one way or another

I read a bit about demisexuality and saw the ‘you choose to befriend rather than flirt’ and i literally thought to myself ‘i thought thats how you get a crush’ so idk

I came out last night (i didnt do all the research in one night because when i posted pt 1 i had already been questioning my sexuality for months)

I felt kinda sad at my friends reactions because i mentioned that it took a lot of courage to say and they kinda didnt really say anything so thats a bit disheartening

I dont know if this is my true label but i feel much better to have a label than to be ‘questioning’ but idk why

I came out to my parents and my mom was the only one who was nice about it bc my dad just said ‘you’re (x) then? {To my mom:} So do we need coffee?’

Idk if i should be grateful he wasnt angry but it took so much courage to find a label and conclude that i wasnt straight and also to tell my parents (who previously shut me down when i talked about these things)

So last night, I came out as polysexual because i feel somewhere inbetween pansexual and bisexual but i’m still somewhat questioning my sexuality

I hope you guys understand because this was the only place i felt comfortable talking about this kinda stuff 🙂


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

Let’s talk about sexualities

Ok so sorry that this is my 3rd post of the night but i havent posted in ages so im making up for it 😀

So basically ive never really known what i am because when i was little i literally looked at women on tv and called them ‘sexy’ and ‘cute’ etc (not really knowing much about homosexuality/the lgbt+ community) and i think that might have been a random thing i did/have grown out of but i have more

I have a lot of friends in the lgbt+ community so i feel like i shouldnt be straight even tho i dont feel 100% straight

A lot of my OCs (aka my alternate personalities/other/dream versions of myself) are polysexual/asexual/pansexual etc and lets just consider that the ocs are other versions of myself that i want to be/am

I dont really want to talk to my parents/friends about this because i will feel like i will get told ‘you’re straight’ and will get shut down

I did a sexuality test and got this but i feel like i shouldnt be looking for non-straight labels because my parents shut me down and basically convince me that im straight or maybe im too young to identify my sexual label and will get told so

If someone can help me find what i am then that would help a lot

I dont feel straight but i dont know what i am so yea


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂


Ayy I’m bringing back the OG beaches from beach trips 1 (Skegness, Scarborough and Whitby) because I haven’t been to Scarborough and Whitby in ages and wanted to go again so here we go 🙂 (I have loads of pictures but I’ll probably do in-depth posts about each place and I’m also lazy because I’m writing this on my laptop and the pictures are on my phone) Also sorry for the format but I’m keeping it like the original post because I need to pay homage 😀

21st July I went to Skegness

1) Literally the best donuts I’ve ever tried
2) I went on 384949 rides in the theme park
3) I did an emo karaoke with my mom and we were pretty much screaming panic! songs while people stared at us weirdly

1) Ya gorl felt homesick (dk why tho)
2) The pier food wasn’t that good compared to the other places
3) My bodyboard broke 😦 (after having it since beach trips 1)

Skegness total score: 4.3/5*

9th of August I went to Scarborough

1) I learnt to skip rocks! 😀
2) I perfected my photography skills and took really cool photos
3) Also amazing donuts

1) The hill to walk up to the castle was steep and evil
2) Seagulls (aka spawns of satan) kept trying to get out lunch and sat on my mom’s head
3) Also felt kinda homesick

Scarborough total score: 4.7/5*

15th of August I went to Whitby

1) I didn’t feel homesick 😀
2) I didn’t get hypothermia 😀
3) I took 43242989 pics of the abby because it’s beautiful and so are the pictures

1) We had to leave the abby early because I needed the bathroom really bad and didn’t want to go back up the hill after
2) The restaurant we ate at was quite crowded and I didn’t finish my food
3) It was CROWDED AF

Whitby total score: 4.5/5*

The trips this year were quite close but I think I liked them a bit more this time because we went sightseeing rather than going to the beach and I’m kinda getting into photography because I completely filled my phone with photos (or maybe because I wanted to take advantage of the iPhone 7+ camera idk) I think I might go back to Scarborough (because it got the highest score) and Skegness (because I go every year and I love it) but maybe not Whitby because it was so crowded and you had to walk loads to get literally anywhere


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

A day in the life of bloggerofthebloggish

Ok, so I have a lot of blog post ideas in the works but I only have about a week and a half left of summer vacation so idk if I will be able to post them all but hopefully I will do a short beach trips 3 and possibly some in-depth posts about each place and some other posts but tonight (it’s like 10pm) I thought I would show you a day in the life of me because I’m too lazy to do anything else and ya gorl loves morning/night routines 🙂

I decided to do a school day (and put in lesson times because why not) because normally my weekends aren’t that organised as school days where I literally have a specific time for everything but hopefully you guys enjoy it because I did a few day in the life posts a few years ago and I actually like them so please enjoy 😀

I also wanted to follow this routine for next school year because I want to be a good student *straightens glasses* Also, be prepared for this to be very long because I have long routines lol

Also also, my school finishes at different times depending on the day so I’ll show you a long day (Tuesday/Wednesday) where it finishes 25 minutes later than normal

6:30AM: I wake up but fall back asleep lmao
6:40AM: I wake up properly and check my phone because I’m basic af and also need something to wake me up even though I’m kind of an early bird anyway
7:00AM: I get up like a normal human and make my bed (in the dark, yes)
7:03AM: I go to the bathroom
7:05AM: I get dressed
7:10AM: I do my skincare routine & brush my hair
7:20AM: I go downstairs to make breakfast (literally a bowl of dry chocolate weetos because I’m lazy –  also idk if you have chocolate weetos in other countries but if you don’t then google it because they are literally the best)
7:45AM: I go to the bathroom (again) and also brush my teeth
7:50AM: I do body lotion, hand cream etc in my room
7:55AM: I put on my blazer and get my shoes, bag etc
8:00AM: I leave for school
8:15AM: I get to school and basically walk around with my friends until the bell
8:30AM: I go to registration
8:35AM: Assembly/form time (depending on the day)
8:55AM: 1st Period
9:35AM: 2nd Period
10:10AM: 3rd Period
10:45AM: 4th Period
11:20AM: Break (where my friends and I go outside because we are cool (no we aren’t lmao))
11:40AM: 5th Period
12:20AM: 6th Period
12:55AM: Lunch (basically where my friends and I go outside)
1:15PM: We actually go to lunch to avoid the lines lol
1:40PM: We finish lunch and chill outside
2:00PM: We get our books and bags for our next classes
2:05PM: Afternoon registration
2:12PM: 7th Period
2:50PM: 8th Period
3:25PM: 9th Period
4:00PM: School ends! 😀
4:15PM: I get home from school and get dressed
4:25PM: I eat because I don’t have big meals so I’m really hungry lmao (I’m the person that has lots of small meals rather than a few big meals)
4:50PM: I do my makeup (at my school you’re not allowed makeup but I still wanted to have my own ‘school makeup routine’ so I just do it at this time because I like wearing it)
5:00PM: I start my homework and put in a CD so I can jam as well (sometimes if I’m really bored I jam out to my songs in the middle of my homework oops)
6:20PM: I finish my homework (I actually do all the homework we were given every day except if it’s a project because I hate having things to do overnight because I get stressed about deadlines a lot) and pack my bag for the next day
6:25PM: I practice my flute like a good child
6:40PM: I finish my flute and have like 5 minutes before dinner so I normally check my phone at this time because even though I don’t use Instagram and snapchat anymore I still am on our class group chat and a lot of group chats which spam a lot
6:45PM: I have dinner
7:10PM: I finish dinner and either go outside if the weather is nice, or sit in the library and watch youtube/go on pinterest because I’m obsessed
7:50PM: I do my nighttime skincare
8:00PM: I have my shower
8:25PM: I either watch youtube or talk to my parents if they’re home lol
8:55PM: I brush my teeth like a good child
9:00PM: I do moisturising (basically a load of Vaseline on my face because my skin is really dry and I get paranoid if I don’t do it) and bodycare
9:10PM: I’m in bed but still on my phone lol
9:45PM: This is when I try to get off my phone but I actually don’t until around 10/10:15
10:15-10:30PM: I fall asleep

Obviously on the weekends I get up and fall asleep a lot later but they aren’t really organised but if you guys want me to do a weekend day in the life then let me know 😀 sorry if this post was quite long but I definitely will do a beach trips 3 and a first day of year 9 post (year 9=8th grade)

I actually feel good today so embrace it lmao


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂





Ok, so one of my best friends (not the matlock bath one) came over for a sleepover about a week ago, and she had come over on the Monday before that, so I kinda showed her around my room and stuff. Around April we were cleaning the garage and my parents found a proper ouija board. I’m that friend that loves anything horror and anything to do with the supernatural. I love knowing about weird demonic creatures and exorcisms but I’m not really a believer. I used the ouija board at around 3pm with my mom but nothing worked so it kinda stayed under my bed. My friend said we should use the board because her parents won’t want one in their house, so I was totally down. We basically binged scary stories until around 10:30pm when we decided to go downstairs and use the board. I never did a ‘proper’ ceremony with an ouija board but I knew you needed candles. We sat in the hallway because we were lowkey terrified and the hallway was the lightest room downstairs. We turned most of the lights off except for a candle I had bought literally the day before when me and a few of my friends (including this one) went around my friend’s village and kinda lurked the shops. I wasn’t convinced the board would work but we set up everything and gave it a shot.


We met this 10-year old boy called Ne and we basically had him answer some questions about us (he didn’t finish the answers but IT WAS LEGIT PEOPLE)

(I’m just going to refer to my friend as A because that’s what her name starts with so it would kinda help me type this conversation out quicker)

A: Do you want to answer some questions for us?
Ne: Yes
A: Where did my grandpa live when he was little? (Idk if that was the exact question but it was something along those lines, also I had no idea what the answer was so I wasn’t moving the planchette)
Ne: B-o-t-s-w-
A: Are you struggling?
Ne: Yes
A: Do you want another question?
Ne: Yes
Me: Where did my mom go on holiday when she was little? (My friend didn’t know this
Ne: C-
A: Are you struggling?
Ne: Yes
Me: Do you want us to leave?
Ne: Yes

So we left and spoiler alert: the answer to A’s question was Botswana and the answer to mine was the Crimea (a beachy place in Russia) I know mine isn’t as legit as A’s was but STILL.

We went into our library after talking to a few people because we got a bit more confident, and we talked to a few people before this one. Btw, I don’t remember the exact details of this convo so ye

Me: Is anyone there?
?: Yes
A: Do you want us to leave?
?: No
Me: What’s your name?
?: G-e-I
A: Can we call you G?
G: Yes
Me: How old are you?
G: 57
A: How did you die?
No answer
Me: Why did you die?
G: I did something bad
(We basically found out that she was given death penalty)
Me: Are you in limbo? (my friend didn’t know what this was) (limbo is basically half-alive, half-dead)
G: Yes
Me: Are you in purgatory? (my friend didn’t know what this was either) (purgatory is between heaven and hell – like the middle ground)
G: Yes
Me: Are you in this room?
G: Yes
Me: Where are you?
G: W-i-n-d-o-w
Me: If I look outside, will I see you?
G: No
A: Do you want to hurt us?
G: Yes
(we ask her questions but idk what they were so we’ll just cut to the interesting part)
Candle starts flickering wildly
Me: Are you in the candle?
G: Yes
A: Do you want us to leave?
No answer
Candle calms down
A: Make the candle flicker if you want us to leave
Candle starts flickering
Us: Goodbye
Candle calms down
That basically scarred both of us and I was even brave enough to look out of the window. We have a flower sticker on our window and my friend saw the shadow of it and started freaking out lol. I was researching people that were given death penalty in year x and my friend continued talking to the ouija board. We went to my parents’ bedroom and I tried to convince her to talk to some more people with me but she was kinda scarred and I said that we ended the session, we blew the candle out so there was no way she would get to us. We came to the conclusion that she was just some old lady who wanted a laugh.

Anyway, that’s my creepy af ouija board experience and I’m kinda convinced they work now but only at night with the candles etc.


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂


I’m so done

Yes. Another group chat fight 😀 With the same people I consider friends. Lol I love life.

So, I’m basically going to write out this conversation (I won’t be using their names) and let you guys be the judge. Let me give y’all the fake names (or letters in this case) so they don’t get all butthurt on me 🙂 Btw, these are initials for nicknames and most of them don’t share the same initial as with their first names.

There are 7 people in this chat:
K (The friend who basically caused this)
D (The girl from the matlock bath post)
W (One of the girls from a previous text fight)
Sl (An actual nice person)
I (Another nice person)
Sc (Who wasn’t in this text but she played a main part)

I’ll put in context after but this is basically the conversation.

D: Guys. I’m not going to be online tomorrow so someone check up on (K)
Me: K made me make this new gc btw
I: Seriously will people stop leaving chats for dumb reasons it makes no sense
Sl: This needs to be in the description (replying to I)
K: I left with reason, im not just telling it the people who caused this reason. So stop holding people hostage, that’s what it feels like when I leave and [me] is constantly adding you back without asking ‘do you wanna be put back on?’ And then when everyone is asking ‘r u ok?’ when they are the reason
Me: If you don’t like us you can leave the group. But the reason I’m adding people back is because I’m asked to
K: Well ask the person first. I’ll come back when I’m ready.
[K leaves]
Sl: Forget her if she doesn’t want to be put back on.
D: Ffs guys
Me: ? Don’t tell me you’re going to be a child and flip out [@D]
W: [@me] It does get annoying when you keep using the word ‘yeet’ and people have asked you to stop. I’m not saying that you can’t ever use it, but it gets irritating when you keep using it
Me: ‘Mkay Should we all take a hiatus?
W: If you want
Me: Should I just remake the chat in like 5 days or something?
W: We made enough new chats tho
Me: Only because people keep leaving (see my other gc fights to see what I’m talking about)
W: I give up

Basically me and Sc kept saying ‘yeet’ loads of times last night and K decided to leave.  I got pissed and basically texted her angry things but I deleted them before she read them. I feel like I’m playing the victim card but I feel like D (who is my ultimate best friend) and W are kinda against me and I just want to yell at something or someone tbh. They’ll probably make some dumb excuse as to why I can’t post this conversation on here and I’ll probably end up breaking again and self harming 😀

I’m just so done and I want everything to be resolved.

Any advice?


Matlock Bath (Part 4)

I went to Matlock Bath today again! 😀 I went with the same fren as my last matlock bath post. We basically spent the whole day in Matlock and went back to my house, only to have her dad running ridiculously late so she had dinner with us (and got disturbed by futurama) and we played the 7-second challenge out of boredom.

I have a lot of pictures so get ready.


Our train was late and I just got the new iPhone 7+ with portrait mode so we were being inspirational and using it (my friend loves portrait mode but her phone doesn’t have it). Btw, you probably already know this, but I’m the one with glasses looking like a derp and my friend is the one who actually looks pretty.


Here are some pics from the train and tbh I actually like my picture for once. Btw that’s not a real fitbit it’s just a £30 knockoff that does the same thing lol.


There were 2 playgrounds and one was like a more active one with a lot of slides and obstacles (my favourite one and I climbed up this climbing wall twice and got scared of the sliding pole), and the other one (this one) was more of an obstacle course (like a trail you had to follow with ropes and rope ladders). There was also a kids area with some ‘buses’ and a little kiddy playground that we couldn’t fit on. I was talking to my mom and my friend was like ‘SAM GIVE ME THE PHONE’ and I gave her the phone and she started bolting to the buses. I reluctantly followed and she was like ‘TAKE MY PICTURE’ so we took some semi-nerdy pics. There was also this little girl who was next to us and was slightly scared of us as she kept looking at us up and down and glancing at her mom lol.


There’s this place called ‘Grand Caverns’ and we took a tour around the caverns. The first 2 pictures are where people mined and where the caverns were eroded in the ice age, the next 4 are the areas where tourists were dumped in the pitch black with only a 10-minute candle lighting them. There were also light shows but they were just chandeliers. The last 2 are main mining areas as well but they commemorate the miners that worked there.


After the cavern tour there’s a hill called ‘Tinker’s shaft’ and basically it’s a huge cliff that looks over Matlock and the surrounding areas. There’s also a mountain nearby called ‘High tor’. These pics are basically us trying to be cool lol.


Then we went and looked at the history of the whole area and how the cable cars were made etc. Last year (bottom picture), we tried to get a picture of us as Victorian-esque people but it kinda failed. This year (top) was no better and tbh they are both pretty accurate recreations of each other lol.


This year we actually managed to get pictures of us and the views 😀 (look at matlock bath pt 5000 to see what I’m talking about). Hopefully y’all can spot the mountain in the 3rd picture.


I tried to get my friend in with the views but she’s v short and it kinda didn’t turn out how I expected lol


This is us in front of a 1984 cable car (we took this right before we left)



Lol we tried to recreate last years picture (bottom) but we didn’t have the picture on us. Nevertheless we took our (now traditional) point at the cable car picture 🙂


Enjoy this random selfie of us taken at a bus stop 🙂

Before I end this post let me just say that my friend gave me permission to use her face so don’t come at me in the comments because I have the receipts 🙂

I think this might become a yearly tradition for us now lol.


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

Bloggerofthebloggish Beauty Routine (UPDATED)

Ok, so it’s been well over a year since I have done my last beauty routine, and a lot (if not all) my products/techniques have changed, so I think I would show you what I do most days for my makeup 🙂

DISCLAMER: I consider makeup a hobby, and do not feel the need to wear makeup to look decent; I just love putting it on for fun and genuinely consider it a passion, so before you leave a comment saying I am shallow, read this again until you are convinced. 🙂


Product: NYX Pore filler (Universal Shade)
From: Boots
Price: £12.50 (From the Ready, Prep, Go set)


This is the best primer I have ever tried; I used the Maybelline Baby Skin primer before but that feels slightly greasy compared to this. It’s also quite cheap (£11 for the full size) and it gets rid of any excess moisture/oils on your face.


Product: MAC Studio Fix Fluid (Shade N4)
From: MAC
Price: £23.50



This is such a good foundation, even though when I bought it, I hated it because of the smell and it looked really cakey, however this stuff stays on forever and erases any imperfections but makes it look natural and lightweight.


Product: Collection Lasting Perfection (Shade 0)
From: Boots
Price: £4.19


Everyone is obsessed with this concealer, and I can see why. It conceals amazingly, not just as an undereye concealer, but this is amazing for half-cut creases and I use this concealer all the time to cut the eyelid. And it’s also £4 a tube!


Product: Natural Collection Brow Kit (Shade universal)
From: Boots
Price: £1.99


I normally use the pomade and I literally need 2 strokes of it through each brow (I don’t do the whole hair stroke and Instagram brows thing) and my brows already look like my hair colour (my brows are very sparse and light so they look grey).

Setting Powder

Product: NYX HD Finishing Powder (Shade Universal)
From: Boots
Price: £12.50 (From the Ready, Prep, Go set)


This powder makes a really smooth and set undereye (I don’t set my entire face with it because my brush is way too small to set my whole face and the one that’s big enough to set my face easily doesn’t fit in the pan), but I haven’t checked for flashback (the loose version has flashback), but coming from a girl who literally never takes selfies I couldn’t really care less.


Product: Rimmel Natural Bronzer (Shade 022)
From: Boots
Price: £5.99


Ok, so I have tried the infamous Benefit HOOLA bronzer, but this is miles better than Hoola. First of all, Hoola is very dark (I know they have a light version but it isn’t available in the mini size and I’m not ready to drop £24.50 on a powder that I don’t even know works), and it has a very gritty formula which makes my cheeks look like mud. Every time I’ve bought stuff from Benefit, I have been disappointed as they do not live up to the hype. This one is half the size of the mini and is blendable, comes in lots of variants and shades and is just better in general.


Product: L’Oreal Life’s a peach blush (Shade Peach Addict)
From: Boots
Price: £8.99


I got this when I went birthday shopping because one of my favourite beauty instagrammers recommended this, and I was not at all disappointed. I have a MAC blush (one of their shades is comparable to this blush) and have been reaching for this one a lot more because it smells like peaches and is a really nice colour which I always wear because it goes with pretty much any look.


Product: ELF Baked Highlighter (Shade Moonlight Pearls)
From: Superdrug
Price: £5


When I bought this highlight (used by the same instagrammer I talked about before), I was slightly disappointed because it did not show up as expected when swatched, and when I used my regular packer highlight brush, it didn’t show up as blinding as expected. However, when I used my fan brush, it showed up very nicely and wasn’t too blinding, even though it was quite obvious. I’m not one for punchy highlighters, so this added just the right degree of glow. (And it also is a dupe for the MAC soft and gentle skinfinish, which I have and is about £20 more expensive than this)

Eyeshadow Base

Product: NYX HD Studio Photogenic Eyeshadow Base (Shade Universal)
From: Boots
Price: £12.50 (From the Ready, Prep, Go set)


I don’t really use eyeshadow primer that often, but when I bought the Ready, Prep, Go set, I used this primer and was impressed by how nice it felt and how well my shadow stayed on. I’m running out so I’ll have to buy a full size soon 🙂


Product: Urban Decay Naked Palette (Original)
From: Debenhams
Price: £39.50


I’ve wanted this palette since I got my naked 3 last year, and begged my parents for it, so when I got it for Christmas I was ecstatic. I usually take Naked and Buck into the crease and either put a glitter on the lid (like in this post) or Half Baked/Sidecar. This is such a versatile palette and I reach for it all the time for my everyday brown/gold look.


Product: NYX Glitter Primer (Shade Universal)
From: Boots
Price: £8

IMG_9412-10-07-18-09-47 (1).JPG

Product used: Al0haglitz Global Glitz Glitter (Shade Rome)
From: Al0haglitz
Price: £2.50 (& £2 shipping)


Before we talk about the glitter, I just wanted to talk about this brand. It’s a small makeup brand from Wales, where the site and products are all made/managed by one person. I love supporting small brands as it feels more rewarding when they notice each of their customers, rather than a big brand which only sees the numbers. When the brand had their big restock in June, this set (Global Glitz) was the first one to sell out, and I managed to get the whole set just in time 😀 This glitter is also stunning and there is such a good variety of shimmers and glitters on the website:

It only ships to the UK though.

Setting Spray

Product: NYX Matte Finish Setting Spray (No shade)
From: Boots
Price: £12.50 (from the Ready, Prep, Go set)


This sets all my makeup in place really nicely; it’s not too matte that it dries out my face (I have really dry skin), but it does look nicely matte. I used this before but then ran out and I’m also running out of this so I will need to buy the full size soon.


Product: Too Faced Better Than Sex Mascara (Shade Black)
From: Debenhams
Price: £19.50


This is my favourite mascara because it makes my already long lashes look even more voluminous, but it makes me slightly sad/scared to use it because I can sense it running out but I don’t think I’ll be able to buy another tube until Christmas because of the price

Eyebrow Gel

Product: NYX Control Freak Eyebrow Gel (Shade Universal)
From: Boots
Price: £12.50 (from the Ready, Prep, Go set)



Product: MAC Mini Lipstick (Shade Whirl)
From: MAC
Price: £10


This shade (a brown/dark rose colour) ties off my look perfectly as it is a darker lip and brown like my eyelids. The matte formula is slightly rough and drying but I usually put some Vaseline or lipgloss over it (not included in this look) and it feels much more comfortable.

And now, the finished look 😀

First, we have April 2017 me (aka the really bad at makeup me)


And now, July 2018 me! (If I look tired it’s because I took this picture at like 11pm and was literally in bed 10 minutes before but I really wanted to take this picture).


Let me know which makeup look/version is better 😀

Also you guys better have liked this post because it took about 3 hours because I had to take the pictures, then connect my phone to my laptop, then wait for the pics to load, then try again, then email them to myself, then download each image, put it in the post and do captions. I did it for about an hour last night, an hour today and an hour just now.

Also let me know if you want an updated beauty routine for December/January.


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂



Ma Gradez 2.0

Ok, so if you have seen Ma Gradez, you know that I literally don’t care if people know my grades so here are my grades from this term/year 😀 (It’s an end of year report)

So the way my school grades, there are 2 parts to each grade: effort and attainment

Effort is measured like this:

1 – Very good
2 – Good
3 – Sound
4 – Needs improvement
5 – (IDK but apparently there’s a 5 even though it’s not listed on report – but I think you can guess what this would be)

Attainment is measured like this:

O – Oustanding
V – Very good
G – Good
S – Satisfactory
D – Showing difficulty
N – Not satisfactory

I explained this in my previous post but I’d just save you the effort and explain it here too. On the end of year reports, there’s long comments and big effort breakdowns but I’m just giving the overall grades because it has my name and personal stuff in the comments and also effort so yea 🙂

Art – 2G
Biology – 1G
Chemistry – 1V
English – 1O
Food Tech – 1G
French – 1V
Geography – 1G (I completely botched my end of year exam so I was proud of this)
History – 1V (I never actually got a V in history because I found it boring but the teacher loves me even though I got 66% and she doesn’t give V or G grades that often)
ICT – 1O
Math – 1G
Music – 1V
PE – 2G (I’ve accepted defeat already so I don’t exactly care about this grade tbh)
Physics – 1G
Religious Studies – 1O (Surprising considering I’m a Satanist which isn’t exactly praised in my Christian school)
Spanish – 1V

I’m actually quite proud of my grades this time because I never got 3 Os before (I’ve only had 1 at a time) so I treated myself to some eyeshadows from one of my favourite cheap makeup brands (the set wasn’t exactly cheap considering it was only 10 shades but idc)

Now if we compare last grades (these weren’t actually the most recent set (excluding this set) but I forgot my most recent set soooo) (I’m also not doing an improvement thing like I did with my exam results but anyways)

Art – 1G
Biology – 1G
Chemistry – 2G
Design Tech – 1G
English – 1O (idk how i did that, I hate english to my teeth, but I guess I’m doing something right)
French – 1V
Geography – 1G
History – 1G (surprising because my teacher said I’m the reason history teachers come to work, but she isn’t a lenient lady)
Math – 1G
Music – 1V
P.E. – 1G (achievement because I SUCK and barely try in P.E.)
Physics – 2G
Religious Education – 1V
Spanish – 1V

(We didn’t have an ICT grade because my teacher was away for a long time on family matters)

We also got the median exam mark in each subject on my report, so I decided to be fancy and make a bar chart comparing my mark to the median 😀

Exam results 2018 vs Class Median

(You probably can read it but my mark is in green and the median is in purple)

Anyway, that took a very long time to write and I need to go to bed


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

Read my writing if you want

Ok, so basically, I have a bunch of friends who love writing and send their writing to various group chats we have (one also posted hers online  – ) but I also have some friends who don’t read said writing (I’m semi-guilty of this; I have a habit of getting myself hyped up about a piece of writing then never actually finishing it) – but you see, these said friends get feedback (anyone on a certain group chat would know who I’m talking about), and I feel selfish for saying this, but I don’t. I read my writing to my parents, only for my mom to care beyond the point of saying ‘it’s good’. My dad pretty much says two words and walks out, and my English teachers basically say this:

It’s good and well-written, but…
proceeds to list 2948329 flaws in my writing

(OK, I did get an O (see my grades post to see what I am talking about) but that’s beside the point)

So I’m putting a few of my pieces on here in hope that people will read them and appreciate them. And please leave some feedback in the comments 🙂

WARNING – Some offensive language used

Red and Grey

Screams filled the air as blazing balls of fire exploded on the already tarnished field. Bodies littered the dying grass as green turned to a deep, dry red. The only survivors were left adorned in shapeless rags; soil and dirt covering the rest. Hair was matted and greasy, eyes were worn and dead, skin was bleeding and blistered. Groans echoed through the ears of the people that were lucky enough to survive the blast as incomplete people rummaged for their body parts. Nobody batted an eye at the portion of humanity obliterated and scarred. Broken souls and incurable hurt sat in the faded grey eyes of Skylar Ellis as her scrawny legs barely held her figure up over the rotting corpses vanishing into the forgotten history just a few centimetres below her. Her olive skin was scarred red; lines littered her legs and arms as she held a knife cluelessly in one hand, the other one clenched into a sheepishly determined fist. She scanned the battlefield, her slowly beating heart aching for a soul to scoop her up and remove her from the scenario she considered a delusion. Her eyes shifted from expressionless orbs to balls of souls resting above her nose. Black hair touched her back as she paid no attention to the concernedly close resemblance to a ball of frizz it had become. Her mouth was forcedly pushed into a slightly intimidating line although the lip was trembling ever so slightly. She shoved all the desperation deep into the unexplorable depths of her mind as she desperately tried to find someone to help her. A sash hung from her bony shoulders, the word ‘LEADER’ faded in blue sharpie. She surveyed the dead bodies once more, her people, lifeless and rotting before her. Nevertheless, she swallowed hard and strode towards the man, sitting triumphantly on a bench, examining the bodies of Skylar’s people. Skylar began to speak, hiding all emotion in her voice behind a mask of cold, heartless tones.

‘Are you happy now? Are you happy you got to keep your silly little rule?’ A single tear rolled down Skylar’s cheek as she glanced at the decomposing carcass of a baby; her own baby brother. He was only a month or two shy of his first birthday, now he only remains a distant memory in Skylar’s flooded mind. She sniffed and turned back to the man, more and more tears rolling down her scarred, dirty face. Much to Skylar’s surprise and scepticism, the man’s face generated a warm, kind-hearted smile which only just got a little too deep in Skylar’s isolated soul.

‘It’s alright. You’ve been stellar, and I’m proud of you. But that’s enough. You never could have won against me, and it was cruel of the Gods to send someone like you to attempt to put a knife to my chest’, More and more tears streamed down Skylar’s face as her breathing became heavier.

‘You killed my family. And now, you pay. The Gods didn’t send me. I did.’

The man’s face blanched instantly as he suddenly paralysed himself in fear. Skylar’s eyes flashed red as she penetrated the knife deep into the man’s chest. Lightning lit up the field and thunder echoed through the ears of the few rivals left standing. Skylar’s face remained emotionless as her mouth firmly stayed in a straight line.

Red and grey. Her eyes flashed red and grey.

Red and grey.

Red and grey. That’s what you’ll see next. If you dare lift a finger towards my family. Red and grey.

Youth Worker
She was always alone. Everyone stayed far away from her. The kids would veer past her as their anxiety controlled their conscience.  The adults would give her disapproving looks as she stared shamefully at the ground. Animals? When she was with animals, her soul would shine into rays of kindness. No other was like her. One of the most caring and gentle souls I had ever met was rejected by society. Nothing was wrong with her. She had no idea of the supernatural. She had no idea what demons were. She just lived her life, alone, seeking love from anything around her. She would always look like she was begging for a hug. She would hold her shoulders to comfort herself from the fear society had placed in her eyes.

I could see there was soul behind the emeralds in her eye sockets. A beautiful one. The colour of wistful air, the texture of a warm feeling. She just wanted nothing more than affection. She would slink away from anyone who looked remotely dangerous, and who can blame her? She was always alone, never seen with her parents. When someone asked her, she would just reply with ‘they’re in the bathroom’, or some shallowly believable tale. She would sit alone and hold her knees, sobbing into them for hours. And to receive what? Menacingly curious stares and tuts. She was such an innocent girl, plagued by the worst of all worlds. No matter what, she always put a brave face on and convince others of her lie. She would wreck her mind so much just so she knows others don’t have to feel the pain. Every day I walked past her and felt pushed to be just like her. Her angelic voice replaced my conscience. Whenever she would come into my youth group, I would always feed her copiously, knowing full well that may be one of the only meals she gets for the day (or week if you want to push it).

And then it happened.

I saw it.

After the youth group closed for the night, I saw her cross the street. The light was red. The man was green. There were no cars. It was safe. I saw her precious feet jog across the tarmac, my heart breaking with every step she took. Suddenly, I remember seeing a bright red sports car fly from oblivion and tear down the road. I saw her get mowed down by the car. I remember taking her to the hospital, staying with her because nobody else would. Not even the nurses.

But I saw something.

I saw a person behind the eyes. I saw a soul that could easily be a world leader.

But I also saw something else.

I saw fear. I saw rejection and hurt in her crystal eyes. I saw innocence wounded by the very people meant to nurture her.

I stayed with her for days, refusing to leave her. I knew that if I left her, she would die alone and I simply couldn’t let that happen. A six-year old shouldn’t have to go through that. If they die, they should be surrounded by weeping parents and grieving friends. Not alone with only her conscience to keep her sane. I would talk to her; tell her about all the animals she would meet in heaven. I told her that I would meet her eventually. Anything to keep her soul uplifted, I would spew out of my mouth just so she wouldn’t have to go through more pain after all she’s been through.

Then it happened.

Dying, she gave her last little smile to the world that has been so unkind.

And that was it.

The monitor beeped as I stared at it, numb. Tears streamed down my face as I held her small, cold hand, rubbing my fingers over hers. I looked out the window and opened it.

‘Why? Why did you have to do this?’

I sat next to the bed as her lifeless body lay. I gave her a hug, her cold body stabbing into my heart like a knife. I kissed her ice cold cheek and walked out, still numb all over.

‘The world will never be the same without you, Holly’.

End house
Maia Abbot stood with her arms folded at the front door, her keys hanging loosely from her belt. Her mom stood before her, her hands clasped in a plea. Maia looked scornfully at her mom with defiance as her mom knelt in front of her, tears streaming down her face. Maia’s angry teenage brain made her open the door and saunter down the street, disregarding her mom’s distress. Her conscience was still divided; one part yelling at her to go and get an adrenalin rush, the other was trying to throw her into the realm of reason and warn her about the dangers of this place.

After all, this wasn’t your regular haunted house.

This is the end house. No creepy name, just end. The house is infamous for claiming thousands of lives, snatching them in its icy grip. Many have passed the no turn point and met their fate. Not from a typical scary, bloody murder, but because they were so undeniably and so overwhelmingly terrified that their adrenalin turned against them and released itself in such a high and toxic amount as to kill them. Maia had heard things about the house from her friends that lived on that same street. They always warned her never to go as they consistently heard blood-curdling screams that were loud and high-pitched enough to shatter a heart in seconds, but Maia always vowed to visit and be the first to win.

The cash prize for reaching the sixth room was $1,000,000 and an iPhone X. Maia wasn’t from a particularly rich household, so something like this would be life-changing at the least.

She had to win. There was no way she couldn’t. After all, she was the fearless badass, why would she cower from something like this?

She reached the house, which had no creepy décor outside, just two glowing balls staring at her from the third floor window. It looked fairly modern, the paint laid in stripes to create a wood effect, and none of the windows looked broken or even remotely stained. She looked at it in smug contemplation as she braced herself. She pushed the door slightly as it swung open violently and slammed against the wall. She saw a front desk, the lobby dimly lit, only one glowing lamp hanging limp from the wall. Standing behind the front desk was a man, two glowing balls staring a hole into her soul. Maia backed away from him in suspicion as he stared blankly into the distance. When she approached the first door, the number ‘1’ carved effortlessly and splashed with paint the colour of dried blood (that’s what Maia thought, anyway), the man whipped his head around instantly and hissed, a snake tongue flapping out of his mouth. Maia furrowed her brows; this wasn’t even remotely close to the mental scars she saw back when they lived in Tanzania, Maia’s birthplace and home for the first 5 years of her life. She pushed open the door as it made a loud creak, to hear ominous organ music and candles scattered around the room. She laughed as she cruised through the room, her brain still questioning itself. The candles weren’t even real flames, just electronic tea-lights you buy from the dollar store. Maia snickered. This was easy, but this was only level 1. She shrugged at her impending terror and pushed open the only other door she could find, this time with the number ‘2’ in the same ‘paint’ as ‘1’. Like the entrance door, it slammed against the wall violently and the head of a small girl, around 5 or 6, shot up and glared at Maia. Two ice-blonde pigtails hung from her round head as red cream was smeared under her eyes foolishly. Maia stepped around the girl as she grabbed onto her hand, so fierce it could cut off circulation. Maia slowly reached for the girl’s boiling hot arm and tried to move it, only to have the girl growl so deep that it had to be a man in disguise.

‘It is your end now’, Maia laughed as the girl’s grip got tighter. She managed to wrestle the girl’s grip away, but the girl still stood in the middle of the room, her glowing eyes yet again burning a hole in Maia’s soul. Maia got a slight shudder but merely brushed it off just like she did the first room. She opened the next door, this time a ‘3’ engraved. The girl stared at Maia as she opened the door. A faint whisper came from her mouth, this time high-pitched and innocent.

‘I wouldn’t go in there if I was you’.

The door slammed behind Maia, this time she was faced with a tall woman, her height causing her to bend over so her face was inches away from Maia’s. It was thin and pinched, the skin sat above the bones, contorting itself to form thin, long cheeks. Maia’s heart began to race as the woman stood before her. Maia ducked under her head and approached the door, still very much aware that the demon was fixed on her trembling figure. She put her hand on the knob, hoping the demon would leave her alone, but almost jumped through the roof when it spoke.

‘Don’t you DARE’, The voice was deep and sounded slightly robotic. Maia’s hand flew off the knob in surprise and she managed to shove her body through the door with what little courage she had left.

She desperately tried to erase the memory of the creature, only to be faced with a table and a chainsaw. She furrowed her brows in suspicion as she etched closer to the door, only to have the chainsaw fly off the table, plug and all, and position itself mere nanometres away from her neck. The revving engine sound pierced Maia’s eardrums as she cowered in terror, sweating bullets. She managed to grab hold of the next door knob, only to see a blood-written message on the wall.

This is the no-turn point. Escape with $1,000,000 or die.

Maia gulped as she flung herself into the next room. The last room. She breathed a sigh of relief as a woman with bleeding black eyes sat before her. She raised her head slowly and Maia gasped as blood ran down her face. The woman simply stared at her. Maia started walking towards the last door, the number ‘6’ placed in the middle of a large gold star. Maia’s chest puffed in triumph, thinking how happy her mom would be when she came back with $1,000,000. Her hand was placed on the doorknob, when the woman shot up from her chair and inches away from Maia’s face, the spittle finding its way onto Maia’s cheeks. She was yelling something, but she was hissing. Maia tried to find a link to any language, while this woman was still hissing in her face, her mouth opening into a large void. Tears streamed down Maia’s face as her stomach churned and her head rushed for her to open the next door. Finally, the woman started to speak English, something Maia could understand.

Blasphemy! Sheer blasphemy!’ Maia shrunk into herself upon the words drifting into her ears. She always had an obsession with the paranormal, and back in Tanzania, she was ridiculed mercilessly for not being a bible thumper like the rest of her village. Those words were the very ones to trigger Maia’s suicidal thoughts and depression. She hid in the corner, shaking, while the woman was still screaming bible phrases into her ears, her eyes running with blood. Maia’s adrenalin finally turned against her, causing Maia’s heart to race to unreasonable levels. She felt it. She was going to die.

And so she did. Her eyes shut and she immediately started turning grey. Yet, her mouth opened, and a snake tongue emerged. The woman grabbed her hand and saw the tongue, only to smirk. She poked her head into the sixth room, to see a tall, faceless man standing in front of a table with an iPhone X and hundreds of cash bills perched on top of it. The wall was covered, almost made, in bones. Skulls and leg bones surrounded the walls as the woman spoke and tossed Maia’s body in.

‘Put the bones up, but keep the body. She’s one of us now’, The man cocked his head to one side.

‘Are you sure?’

‘Did I stutter?’

‘Fine, Mrs Abbot. Are you sure you want to do this to your daughter’s remains?’

‘I never loved her anyway’.


My eyes have never even fleeted across an image like this, never mind a real life person who dares to exist as I write this. It’s always been a flashy spectrum every time one’s eyes dart to hair colour. Before the wave, we all had normal hair and normal lives. And a part of me aches to believe that we still do; clinging onto the normalities we still possessed before the wave. Tears fill my eyes when I remember our skin ranging from an almost artificial white to a deep, rich brown. And when our hair was icy blonde, nutty brown or existential black. Now we’re all the ‘standard’ sickly white as life is drained every second. Our eyes are now just a shallow grey, the remnants of souls being cracked and frayed as the hours drawl on. But our new hair? Electric colours somewhat brighten up the lifeless sky and monotone voices contaminating the air that was once at peace. We got given new, unchangeable hair colours at random; each one representing a type of kinesis. Most are green and electric yellow, telekinesis and photokinesis. On occasion, some elemental kinesis people are seen roaming the streets; bright fiery red for cryokinesis, muted grey for aerokinesis, rustic brown for geokinesis, deep royal blue for hydrokinesis and icy, piercing blue for pyrokinesis. When the hair is even different than that? That’s when it gets fun. I think many in our society today secretly feel at least an ounce of joy and curiosity when the hair becomes purple and pink. Purple signifies magnokinesis whilst pink means electrokinesis. Even rarer than that is gyrokinesis, represented by a spark of bright orange. Those are the only hair colours we had after the wave.

At least, that’s what pretty much all of society thought, including me.

Until I saw her.

I take a part-time job as a mental institution guard. Making sure the nutcracks don’t escape. I have to put a forcefield around the damn institution, because not even the head of the place knows what crackshittery they’re capable of. I was doing my regular job; patrolling the hallways and peering into the unoccupied cells, constantly thanking myself that I wasn’t infected by the wave. I was walking past the cells, admiring and noting all the hair colours popping out at me, then I stopped. A girl was sitting in one of the very last cells on that floor, her legs contorted into an X.  Her eyes were on the brink of becoming violet as her white hair drooped over her shoulders. A large ‘DO NOT ENGAGE’ sign was hung on the only nail lazily hammered into one of the bars. She was silent; yet her piercing eyes said thousands of indescribable words. I crouched in front of the cell, ignoring the sign that was practically screaming at me.

‘They told you not to talk to me’, The girl’s voice was bland, yet unsettlingly high and slightly commanding. ‘They flinch when they see me. Because they know I started it’.

‘Started what?’ I used every ounce of courage left to compose the words, my brain becoming increasingly concerned as the seconds ticked by.

‘You know damn well what’, I gulped. I had a faint inkling, but surely someone so small couldn’t be capable of starting something like this.


‘You know your hair changing colour?’


‘You know the eyes changing colour?’


‘You know the wave?’


‘That was me’.

‘Oh shit. We’re all going to die’.

I’m trying to experiment with my style but these are my favourite ‘new’ pieces because tbh my pre-2018 pieces shouldn’t even be on my computer. By the way, I never edit my work, I just write everything in one go and save it, which apparently is quite unusual. So, if there are some legitimate (i.e. grammar, spelling, punctuation etc) errors, feel free to tell me because I just edit as I write so yea 🙂

Also check out my friend’s book!


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

Exam Results 2018 + Group Chat fights

Ok so I’ll get to the results at the end of this post because there’s been stuff that I kinda need to get off of my chest because nobody knows except the people involved and I’m dying so yea 😀

Basically, I don’t really trust group chats (see my march/april 2016 archive about why), and until very recently, I’ve only had them with my closest friends. A few of us are very mentally unstable (me included hehe) but normally we’re very nice to each other.

So basically we ship a bunch of people on this group chat and one girl wrote a really long paragraph about how we should stop. (Keep in mind, I spend a lot of time making logos and descriptions for this group chat and a new one was created and nobody texts on the one I made and spent time on) I got really mad, mainly because of the new group chat and the fact that we couldn’t really ship anymore. I started tossing in middle finger emojis and smiley faces because at that point I was on a bunch of pills, very depressed, on my period (which means mood swings), and also very sleep-deprived so my mind was completely out of whack. I mentioned several times that I was in a very bad place and having a mental breakdown. Normally, if someone has a mental breakdown, we write really long essay posts about how much we love and care about them. This time, I got told to stop being a child and to go to my parents. (Also keep in mind I barely ever have breakdowns like this) I couldn’t really go to my parents because my mom wasn’t home or answering her phone and my dad doesn’t really care and gets mad when I get depressed. I said I couldn’t, only to get a ‘sorry but we can’t really do anything’ response. Bear in mind that we are very very very close friends and I haven’t really had a friendship group like this. Even though nobody was really there I started crying and after I had a shower, came back to people leaving the chat and refusing to talk to me. One girl who said I should stop being childish posted on her status (it was on WhatsApp) ‘I’ve had enough of social media’ which kinda infuriated me. I basically was looking at sad quotes until like 11pm (aka 3 hours) and crying my eyes out. I also grabbed my scissors and self-harmed 😀 I haven’t told anyone, not even my friends that weren’t yelling at me but helping me. I haven’t told my parents either or school because I get told that I’m being ‘silly’, so I normally talk to my friends. At school, the two girls who were yelling at me to stop being childish weren’t talking to me, one girl who is abusive (I call her that lol) was really mad at me, so I kinda just wanted to go home and cry my eyes out but my dad was at home and would intuitively ask what’s wrong. As of now it hasn’t been resolved but my anxiety is convincing me that they hate me and my friendships are cut off which terrifies me. So yea, really happy stuff 😀

Anyway, exam results!! 😀

I’ve been wanting to write these ever since exam week (last week) but we had to wait a week for results because we review the papers in lessons. I’m also going to be doing a percentage difference from last year and averages from this and last year.

Spanish – 87% (No difference as I only started it this year)
Spanish Oral – 88% (No difference as I only started it this year)
Math (Non Calculator) – 88% (-3%)
Math (Calculator) – 84% (-2%)
French – 90% (+0%)
French Oral – 96% (+12%)
English (Creative Writing) – 93% (-2%)
English (Comprehension) – 75% (-20%)
Geography – 67% (-9%)
History – 66% (-13%)
Religious Studies – 92% (+11%)
Music – 85% (+0%)
Biology – 75% (+6%)
Physics – 78% (+0%)
Chemistry – 83% (+5%)

Average (Year 7) – 84%
Average (Year 8) – 83% (-1%)

This is actually quite eye-opening because I thought my grades were really bad and worse than last years but the average has only gone down 1% lol. (And the average in Year 7 was 83.5 but I rounded it up)

Anyways thanks for listening to my ramblings and exam results 🙂


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

Social Anxiety Tings

Ok, so most of you probably know that I have generalised anxiety disorder (apparently that’s what it’s called) and I’m in therapy (woo) but I haven’t necessarily been diagnosed with social anxiety. I feel like I do have it though because I have a bunch of symptoms and I have anxiety so maybe I do? Read these mental notes about little things that occur when I go anywhere that involves humans, and decide for yourselves.

  • I don’t avoid going out yet I always do it with someone I know can operate around somewhere I’ve never been
  • Whenever I walk past someone I pull out my phone but I literally don’t do anything except unlocking it
  • When I walk I usually have pretty vivid daydreams yet all of them get put on halt when I walk past someone because my energy has to be diverted on that
  • If I take more than .2 seconds getting whatever out of my bag I feel very very embarrassed and get to the point of tears, yet I don’t want to cry because idk
  • I purposely take longer walking routes just to avoid crowds
  • Even when I’m at home/in my garden, I am very quiet and feel judged unless I have music in to distract myself from the noises I make
  • When I’m at school, I’m very sociable and obnoxious around my friends, but as soon as class starts, I shroud myself in a bubble
  • DEAR TEACHERS: If you call on me and I get the wrong answer (even if I volunteered) and you tell me LOUDLY then I will remember it for weeks, maybe even months or years (my school reads my blog lol)
  • The thought of eating alone terrifies me, not because I won’t have anyone to talk to,  but because I have to find an area away from people so I won’t look like I’m intruding their conversation
  • I stress for days if none of my friends are free to eat lunch with me
  • I turn my music down when I walk past someone, even though my earbuds never give off sound anyway
  • If someone’s in front of me when I’m walking, I have to make a mental countdown, get my phone out and look casual just to walk past
  • When I’m in a shop alone and I have to pay, I muster up the courage for at least 5-10 minutes to go pay
  • Because I’m quite musical, my music teacher is pushing me to be in solos but the thought terrifies me, even though I do fine
  • I never go anywhere I’m not familiar with alone

So those are my little social anxiety tings. Let me know if these are symptoms because idk 🙂


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

The Note (& other stuff)

I really need to get this off my chest, so sorry if this offends you but my mental health has been really bad and I’m literally about to collapse and cry from all the stuff going on, so if this concerns you then please don’t read on please.

The Note

Ok so in England we have school exams from Yr7-10 to prepare us for GCSE and A level exams. We have 3 exams a day with revision breaks after each exam. Today, we had French Oral, English Language and Physics. French Oral was a 2-hour slot but it takes like 3 minutes per person to do their oral. We did it in register order, and I’m like 5th in the register so mine was done pretty quickly. I didn’t bring revision stuff because a) no and b) I was v lazy the night before with packing. I was reading and talking quietly to some girls in the row next to me. They started writing about revision on a piece of paper and putting like thoughts or something. They were passing it around the class since about 50% of us were done with orals and v bored because the teacher wouldn’t let us talk unless it was testing for orals. Idk what people wrote but I knew it was there because I saw people write it so how could I not. Then, a girl comes back from her orals and hands another girl the note. I heard ‘This is from X’ (not saying name because privacy y’know?) and the teacher started questioning the girl who had been given the note. She finally got the girl to hand it over and told the head of key stage (who is v strict and almost hated in our year). Then the teacher told the deputy head (who actually likes me because I’m smart but can be evil).

Lunchtime rolls around. And so does afternoon registration. So, we’re sitting in our places ready for the next exam, when the head of key stage comes in with a note. Everyone squirms because people in my class told me and a few others who weren’t involved to ‘own up as a form’ because it would be easy. [FYI: There are these things called ‘penalty points’ and basically are used in every empty threat, but if you get 3 in a term then that results in a detention and a letter home 😀 ], but then people started talking about penalty points. I don’t know if they were actually issued (we’ll get to why I didn’t know later), but the head of key stage was lecturing us about it, then said ‘at the end of the day, go apologise to [teacher]. It’s the decent thing to do’. I didn’t write/see what was written so I wasn’t going to go apologise. (Which is why I didn’t know because they were probably going to be issued by the teacher mentioned before) Great. All behind us now, right?

Wrong. When I got home, I texted my friend who was involved and was like ‘how did the apology go’. Apparently parents are involved so she’s not apologising. She started ranting on our group chat I have with a bunch of best friends (including the one from Matlock bath wink wink) and one of my friends who’s a year ahead was trying to figure out what was going on. She basically told me that I should have owned up and my friend who was involved started giving reasons how everyone was involved. I basically told her that the only reason she was doing that was because she needed validation and wanted to drag me down too. A bunch of my other friends joined the chat and started giving their input, to which my mental health died. So now I’m questioning myself as to whether I should apologise or not.

Other Stuff

Basically, my aunt is staying with us for a week (she’s not actually related but she’s my mom’s best friend and my dad’s ‘second wife’ (that’s what he says anyway lol)) and she is staying in exam week. if y’all didn’t know, I have anxiety and depression so my mental health is just dead all over. I really needed someone to test me on my French orals but I already bugged my dad because a bunch of stuff of mine was broken so I couldn’t ask him because he was already v mad, and MY MOM AND AUNT WERE OUT GALAVANTING AND DOING GIRL THINGS EVEN THO THEY LITERALLY HAVE BEEN DOING THAT ADKJKLFSFHSIFHFHEFH so I died yesterday. Also in the morning sometimes my mom is up at the same time as me so we get the opportunity to have chats and stuff without dying because I only get to talk to her when she comes home at like 8pm and I go to bed at 9 anyway. NOW MY AUNT IS MOOCHING off of that and basically whenever my mom and I have a deep chat that’s kinda private my aunt has to mooch and ugh. NOT TO MENTION WHEN I WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH MY MOM AND TELL HER ABOUT MY DAY SHE MAKES ME TELL MY AUNT

Maybe I just hate people who aren’t my friends (and they only stay for like a night at most) in my house because my house is kinda like my release where I can just breathe and not have a fake persona and bubbling anger.

Reading that back I sound like a bratty moron.

Gtg die in a hole of mental death.


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

Random Thoughts

Idk what this post even is :DDDDD

I’ve become a true emo oh lord help me. I’m going to a PANIC! concert in August so I WILL POST PICS because it will be lit 🙂 (It’s also 3 days after the 4 year anniversary 😀 )

I also wanted to talk about this Stephen King quote:

AND I WAS FUMING because that’s not the philosophy of the books at all. I’m in the process of writing an in-depth comparison (it probs wont be out for a few months bc it’s v long), and that quote is just DRIPPING with falseness.

If I had to rewrite it, it would probably go something like this:

“Harry Potter is about how only inexplicable bravery will give you credit and a meaningful place in history. Twilight is society’s reality being put in front of us but we don’t like it because we’re too cowardly to accept that this is what we’re doing”.

Don’t believe me? In HP, Harry fights villains at least seven times, if not more. That’s pretty much the only reason it’s become such a successful book, because there’s a slew of characters and we want our children to grow up with an IQ above 10. Twilight strips down the reality of our society from about the 1910s-60/70s and shows what women actually did during the time. And we choose to criticise it? Only because feminism is being drilled into our heads and anyone who doesn’t support it should be ashamed. So, what are the books actually like now?

I’ll go into more detail in my comparison but that was a rant that I had for a few days bottled up.

Also, we have exams next week and I legit want to die yayayayayayayyyyyyyyyyyyy 🙂

And my anxiety is getting to me really bad and I want to talk about it on here but people from school read my blog and I would probs get a detention sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I’m not sayin anything

Jus’ waiting for the sweet embrace of death and the panic concert :D:D:D:D:D:DD:D:

I’m also v scared for our schools residential trip even tho I’ve been to france with school and ive been fine


She was always alone. Everyone stayed far away from her. The kids would veer past her as their anxiety controlled their conscience.  The adults would give her disapproving looks as she stared shamefully at the ground. Animals? When she was with animals, her soul would shine into rays of kindness. No other was like her. One of the most caring and gentle souls I had ever met was rejected by society. Nothing was wrong with her. She had no idea of the supernatural. She had no idea what demons were. She just lived her life, alone, seeking love from anything around her. She would always look like she was begging for a hug. She would hold her shoulders to comfort herself from the fear society had placed in her eyes.

I could see there was soul behind the emeralds in her eye sockets. A beautiful one. The colour of wistful air, the texture of a warm feeling. She just wanted nothing more than affection. She would slink away from anyone who looked remotely dangerous, and who can blame her? She was always alone, never seen with her parents. When someone asked her, she would just reply with ‘they’re in the bathroom’, or some shallowly believable tale. She would sit alone and hold her knees, sobbing into them for hours. And to receive what? Menacingly curious stares and tuts. She was such an innocent girl, plagued by the worst of all worlds. No matter what, she always put a brave face on and convince others of her lie. She would wreck her mind so much just so she knows others don’t have to feel the pain. Every day I walked past her and felt pushed to be just like her. Her angelic voice replaced my conscience. Whenever she would come into my youth group, I would always feed her copiously, knowing full well that may be one of the only meals she gets for the day (or week if you want to push it).

And then it happened.

I saw it.

After the youth group closed for the night, I saw her cross the street. The light was red. The man was green. There were no cars. It was safe. I saw her precious feet jog across the tarmac, my heart breaking with every step she took. Suddenly, I remember seeing a bright red sports car fly from oblivion and tear down the road. I saw her get mowed down by the car. I remember taking her to the hospital, staying with her because nobody else would. Not even the nurses.

But I saw something.

I saw a person behind the eyes. I saw a soul that could easily be a world leader.

But I also saw something else.

I saw fear. I saw rejection and hurt in her crystal eyes. I saw innocence wounded by the very people meant to nurture her.

I stayed with her for days, refusing to leave her. I knew that if I left her, she would die alone and I simply couldn’t let that happen. A six-year old shouldn’t have to go through that. If they die, they should be surrounded by weeping parents and grieving friends. Not alone with only her conscience to keep her sane. I would talk to her; tell her about all the animals she would meet in heaven. I told her that I would meet her eventually. Anything to keep her soul uplifted, I would spew out of my mouth just so she wouldn’t have to go through more pain after all she’s been through.

Then it happened.

Dying, she gave her last little smile to the world that has been so unkind.

And that was it.

The monitor beeped as I stared at it, numb. Tears streamed down my face as I held her small, cold hand, rubbing my fingers over hers. I looked out the window and opened it.

‘Why? Why did you have to do this?’

I sat next to the bed as her lifeless body lay. I gave her a hug, her cold body stabbing into my heart like a knife. I kissed her ice cold cheek and walked out, still numb all over.

‘The world will never be the same without you, Holly’.

ngl that’s my saddest story ive ever written

I read it to my parents and they cried and so did I

so I shall make you cry too

comment if u cried 😀


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂


13th Birthday Haul 2018!

I turned 13 on April 4, woop! I know it’s been forever but tbh I haven’t had the time/effort to do this and also I have my grade 4 flute on Tuesday help I wanna die because if I don’t do my exam now then I have to learn a whole new syllabus (it expires on the 31st), and be like 2 years behind. Yay!

Now, let’s get into the haul (there’s a lot of stuff so yea and also I missed out small stuff like buttons bc they’re just buttons)

I’m going to seperate them into categories because there’s a lot so yea!

Body/hand care


From one of my friends I got some aromatherapy roller balls (they’re actually quite good (mainly the energy one) but I smelt the beautiful dreams one and had a nightmare lol)

hype set.PNG

From another friend i got a hype body set (idk if its in other parts of the world but in the UK its like a fancy teen brand (kinda like BBW in the USA))

hand creams.PNG

From my grandma I got 8 different BBW hand cream scents (I have doubles of these but theres no point showing them) (scents (L-R): Vanilla, be amazing, overnight moisture, fragrance free, pretty as a peach, vanilla buttercream, hello beautiful & at the beach)

I also got body mists but i just got doubles and im lazy soo ye

shower gels.PNG

From my grandma I got 3 BBW shower gels (and yes this pic was taken on my toilet lol) (scents: A thousand wishes, moonlight path & warm vanilla sugar)


From my parents: 3 EOS lipbalms (scents: pomegranate, wild berry & strawberry)

body lotion.PNG

From my grandma I got 4 BBW body lotions (they match with the body creams so im not going to put the scents on)

body creams.PNG

From my grandma I got 4 BBW body creams (scents: moonlight path, a thousand wishes, warm vanilla sugar & pretty as a peach)

baby lips from alice.PNG

From another friend I got the maybelline baby lips (shade cherry me)


stuff from ralph.PNG

So my uncle took me on a shopping spree (i got £130!!!) because he’s veryy um, awkward. You will know if you have read my ‘mouse’ posts or have seen him irl lmao (it was before my bday because he left on the 3rd (he lives abroad) but its a bday present)


Charlie body mists (fun, powerful, fearless, independent & sexy)
NYX powder puff lippie (shade 7)
Essence clear brow gel
Too faced better than sex mascara (it actually is rly good tho)
Too faced chocolate bonbons palette (it smells so good yum)
Urban Decay naked 2

netsys present.PNG

From my best friend (the one from the matlock bath post) I got the smashbox liquid lipstick (shade BAWSE bc i told her forever that i wanted it lol)

(I dont have a pic bc i used it up but from another friend i got a £15 gift card from boots and a lipliner (from a different friend))

makeup from town.PNG

On my birthday my mom took me shopping because i wanted stuff lmao (also i got some cake from a RICULOUSLY expensive cake shop (its good tho) for freeeee)


Real techniques bold metals brushes 300 & 201
MAC lipstick (shade please me)
Rimmel natural bronzer (shade 022)
Maybelline master precise eyeliner
L’oreal life’s a peach blush
MAC 3d black lash mascara (for free bc it was my bday)
NYX eyeshadow (money maker) it was £1 lol
NYX ultimate brights eyeshadow palette
Urban Decay naked 2 basics
Rimmel match perfection concealer (shade 10)
NYX create your own eyeshadow palette

makeup from parents.PNG

From my parents I got more makeup 😀


Maybelline superstay foundation (shade 03)
Rimmel match perfection powder
Urban Decay naked skin concealer (shade fair neutral)
Revolution concealer (shade C1)


I got makeup brushes (the one on the far left is from a friend and the rest are from my parents)


Real techniques foundation brush
RT blend and blur foundation
RT instapop accent brush, pointed foundation brush, lip brush, instapop eye brush, instapop cheek brush (in the instapop set)


yellow shirt

From my grandma I got a yellow primark sweater (its so cute tbh)

pink hoodie.PNG

From my parents I got a pink primark hoodie

green hoodie.PNG

From my parents I got a mint green hoodie (its actually rly light green it looks blue on the camera)

patd shirt.PNG

Also from my parents I got a P!ATD shirt (i got an mcr one too but its in the wash) AND IM SEEING BEEBO IN AUGUST OMGOSSHHHH



I got a ton of cds (they’re all from different people so i’ll put who they’re from individually)

MCR black parade (from parents)
P!ATD death of a bachelor (from my grandma)
TOP blurryface (from my grandma)
TOP vessel (from my grandma)
P!ATD twtltrtd (from my parents)
P!ATD fever (from my grandma)
MCR three cheers for sweet revenge (from my parents)
P!ATD pretty odd (from my parents)


I got a yamaha flute (it was almost £1000!) its the YFL 372 if you’re wondering (i actually did my grade 4 flute today comment if u want to see it bc it went rly bad 🙂 )

cd player.PNG

This is rly stupid but when i got my cds i didn’t have a good cd player (the ones we have are family ones and they’re not that good so i wanted my own) its by BUSH (from my mom btw)



I got a yankee candle for my birthday (from my mom) (scent sweet nothings)


And I got keys! Because I walk to/from school by myself my parents thought it would be a good idea to have these just in case (but my dad gets angry if i dont use them lol) from my dad


I missed out little things but this post would be rly long otherwise, and I just want to say

Image result for thank you

To everyone that got me presents or said happy birthday (even the store clerks)

My hands rly hurt it took like 45 mins to take all the pics and do captions (and my computer is rly slow lol)


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂


Caboodle of nonsense

Ok so i kinda have a lot to say, so let me just do bullet points bc that will be easy

  • I’m listening to Helena by mcr and its SO FRIKIN SAD i want to cry because the last words they sang on their last tour was ‘so long and goodnight’ FROM HELENA and its a sad tone and i just want to cry tbh
  • Im a teenager now woop and i spent my first week of teenhood crying and pleading to candy crush (im so mentally stable i know right hahahhahaha)
  • IM GETTING COUNSELLING!! My appt is the 24th so i can cuss at yet another person who doesn’t care about how i feel and is only in it for the money
  • We have to write and learn monologues in drama. And perform them IN FRONT OF THE CLASS and i literally want to cry bc i will just shake throughout the whole thing yay so im just going to improv bc i cant be bothered to learn a 3 min monologue off by heart unless its something interesting. If i throw a couple of big words in maybe it will turn out well
  • PRAY FOR THE WICKED IS COMING OUT IN JUNE ASDFGHJKL I CANNOT AAHHHH if u dont know what that is then please leave byeye
  • Ok so i have a story about my grandma (who i have a VERY STRONG unjustified hate for) so basically my mom, her and me went to a cafe for lunch and my mental health ditched me that day (not to mention i was on my period so ye) and i was just a mess. I was getting really nad at like everything and my mom yelled at me and ye. When we got there, i was rly quiet and was pretty much about to cry. My mom kept asking what was wrong (like u dont know already) and i showed her a sad thing i was looking at. She disregardedly tossed my phone back at me in a huff. I started to listen to patd or mcr or top (i forgot which it was probs mcr) and she took me into a random exit thing in the cafe (like an unused room) and i proceeded to have an anxiety attack to which i got a ‘calm down’ BUT NO THATS NOT F*CKING EASY but whenever i compare anxiety to like ANYTHING my opinion is disregarded bc they arent the same things. Reason 1022918 my mental health is a mess. THEN MY GRANDMA KEPT ASKING WHAT HAPPENED OMFG I WANT TO SLAP HER AAAAHHGGH LIKE ITS NOT YOUR F*CKING BUISINESS GO AWAY (i actually screamed that in her face when i had a different anxiety attack and damn it felt good)

Anyways gtg its like midnight and i cant sleep and schl is like in 2 dayss


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂


Its 3 days until my bday





I cannot even put into words




all of this sh*t is


Its SKIN people


I dont walk down the street and take peoples skin colour into account

Because I D O N T C A R E

like i dont even blink if someone of a different race is talking to me

All i care about is sustaining a convo well







Its like saying ‘i dont like green so im going to burn all the plants and green vegetables i see’



Find a hobby

Because doing this is a sad way to live

Theres a ceramic studio in york

Go there

Paint a bowl

So muslims can have peace of mind from jerks like you


Just go find a ditch

And sit in it

And contemplate your choices

Notice im not saying kys

Because even though i know this is wrong

People dont deserve to die

For participating in this day

The way i see it

U need karma

If you do something bad (e.g. blow up a mosque), then you should have your house blown up

To see what its like

Not only would it show you what consequences are

It also gives you moral guidelines (hopefully)

So if someone does something bad, but doesnt kill anyone, they dont deserve to die

Because thats not fair

They deserve punishment, yes, but not death

For example

Lets say someone commits a domestic violence attack

Value of attack – 50 (im using this as an example)

Value of equal punishment – 50


Value of punishment and death – 75

That doesnt add up


Unless its a homocide

  • People dont deserve to die

Thank you for reading

My long rant about this

And hopefully

You can see my justification

And support my points


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

Self Harm Talk

Ok, so before we get this out of the way, yes I do self harm. Don’t judge me; my worst fear (believe it or not coming from the person with an anxiety disorder) is being judged so please don’t judge me I know of my stability issues.

First of all, am I the only one who thinks that when I self harm, it is completely rational and a plea for help, then I look back after and think what an idiot I was. That happened to me today if y’all didn’t know

Yes, I self harmed over *homework*. I know, but let me explain my outright pettiness

In my school, we have “guidelines” (for me – RULES YOU MUST LIVE BY) of how long our homework is meant to take. For math, it’s 40 minutes, and I stick by that rule strictly.

Well, my homework ended up taking me about an hour.

Cue my mental breakdown and relentless sobbing for another hour while my parents scream at me.

Cue my 10-15 cuts on my arm.

Basically, I’m a very petty person at home, but at school I have the stability of *insert rock-like metaphor here*. I have self harmed 4 times since September, all about really dumb petty stuff. Because I have GOOD mental health.

So obviously my form tutors know about this (I told my best friend lmao) and she told my tutors

And we have tutor review day on Tuesday, where we basically come out of classes and talk to our tutors about our progress.

For me, talking about my *nonexistent* social life and my *nonexistent* mental stability


Anyways gtg


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

*PS: my posts will get more positive i just need to vent a little here*

I am depressed lololololol

Well isnt that great

Not to mention my bday is literally in a week

As in this time next week i will be 13

Isnt that great


I had a fight with my dad

He said im the most self centred


Uptight person hes ever met

Not to mention

I have contemplated suicide 100s of times

Whenever im near a train platform

I think about jumping onto the track and killing myself

I think about stabbing myself

So yeah

Im having my pre birthday depression again


I love myself



How fun is it to feel jealous of your best friends two weeks before your birthday?

I know right


Ok, so today 2 of my best friends got big awards (like BIG awards), and one of those two friends has 3 of said award.

2 of my other friends are like me and are getting support in school, like one of them made a ‘calm down box’ with the pshe teacher

And I’m sitting in bed at 9pm bawling my eyes out


Because i never got that big award, and i don’t get support

When i cut (yes i do ok) my parents and teachers say its silly

I consistently achieve high marks but there’s always someone getting better awards than me

I sit here, waiting for someone to acknowledge the fact that I’m partly broken

So I’m just loving my school at the moment. I don’t want to be jealous because they’re my best friends and i’ll make them feel bad for being jealous

Even though i havent cut for like a month (which is good for me) i still sit up at night and cry my eyes out

People say its because im tired

I quit

I’m CoOl

I literally just wanted a random title lmao

This post will be a mess but y’know it’s fine

Sorry for not posting I’ve been writing like every day

Here are some of my stories (I know they’re really bad but its ok)

I was so immersed in my emailing, I barely even flinched when I heard Frank storm in and throw his name card on the table.

‘Give me another kid or I quit!’

I looked up in despair. ‘Please, Frank. Everyone else quit. You’re the only one left, the scariest, the biggest. What did they do to you to make you quit?’

Frank shuddered and backed away. ‘You don’t want her. She’s worse than us’.

I chuckled. ‘That wouldn’t happen’, to which Frank nodded vigorously. ‘If I didn’t quit, I could have handled her. Hachishakusama has nightmares for a month after she quit! She’s the monster, Krampus! She’ll smother you!’

I turned back to my computer, determination drowning me in emotion. ‘I’ll assign myself, anyway’.

Frank shrugged. ‘Fine, but don’t blame me when you scream at two AM’.

That night, I went to the ‘bedtime centre’ – basically the place where we get transported to the beds of the kids we haunt. I stood in my cell, and everyone stared at me and backed away. I looked at them, nodded, and deployed myself.

I arrive in a pitch-black room, lit scarcely by two glowing eyes. They were blood red, and they belonged to a small girl, no older than eight. She had ice-blonde hair and was sitting cross-legged on a perfectly made bed. Her eyes followed me as I moved under the bed. She didn’t move, yet she was watching every movement I made.

Once I got under the bed, I saw her lean down and look at me with her glowing eyes. She didn’t blink, she didn’t flinch, and she didn’t talk. I made my usual scary noises and movements, to which I had no reaction. I heard two muffled voices come from another room.

‘It’s so sad walking past her room’. A woman started bawling, to which a man was comforting her.

‘Mom, it was for the best. She had no quality of life. She didn’t walk, talk, nothing. As far as I know, she didn’t even know what was going on’.

The woman sniffed ‘She’s still my girl. No amount of pain can compare walking past her empty room that housed so much personality’.

The girl scuttled to the wall and started hissing. I looked at the bed. It looked like a little girl’s room; the duvet was adorned with lollipops and candy designs, and the walls were painted a cotton-candy pink. I heard the man’s voice again.

‘Hello? Yeah, she died. Two months ago. She didn’t walk, move unassisted, she didn’t talk and only made a whimper as a ‘hey, something’s wrong’ signal. She had no awareness. She always stared at the ceiling, so it was probably better that she escaped the pain of everything that happened to her. I know, Mom’s bawling her eyes out. Ok. Talk to ya later, bye’

I stood up, and looked at the girl, who was relentlessly hissing at the wall. My mind was tripping over itself; what was I to do? Us monsters aren’t meant to be caring and ask about personal life, but then again, we don’t hide under the beds of dead children.

‘Hey, are you OK?’ I asked, a hint of nervousness embedded into my voice. The girl whipped her head towards me and a smirk took over her face. ‘Why are you nervous, Krampus?’ I was immediately taken aback. For someone who apparently had no awareness, she certainly was cultured in her monsterology. And her sense of finding fear. That was, um, unique. I looked at her and cocked my head to the side. ‘Why are you hissing?’ I immediately condemned myself for asking such a commonplace, caring question. Anger drenched the girl’s face in emotion ‘They didn’t know’, she muttered. ‘They didn’t know what happened. And now they shall burn’. Sadisity crept over her mouth. I was compelled to ask her what happened, yet I knew she was truly the monster. Nevertheless, I asked her what happened. She lurched towards me and spoke in the most haunting of whispers which made my whole body become immersed in goosebumps.

‘I was put in a coma for 2 years. I was aware in those two years. I was always aware. I could walk and talk. They just never taught me. They thought I was a vegetable. Now they shall be convinced of my capacity’. She bolted out of the room and came back with a box of matches. She looked at the wall with an evil grin plastered over her face, moving the match slowly towards the wall. Impulsively, I asked her

‘Hey, instead of burning your house down, why don’t you become a monster and have the ability to haunt your family, even people you’ve never met before. You’ll earn a reputation and capacity’.

The girl’s face lit up. ‘I’m already a monster, but I guess I can’t pass up an opportunity to use these talents’.

She’s now known as your brain.

The brain hungry for capacity and sadisity.

The brain that makes you stay under your covers at night, even though there’s no monsters.

None except you.

You filthy little bastard.


“You have always been a strange person. I knew you since birth. You have always been peculiar. I took pity on you, and decided I should be the one to, maybe I shouldn’t go into detail about that. You were always a very awkward person, shying away from conversations and keeping your friends close-knit. You were defying every academic odd. You won every competition you took part in, regardless of what it was, sport, spelling etc. Everyone always considered you a freak. I remember you crying excessively one day, and I was trying to calm you. Of course, you don’t listen to me. You wouldn’t listen to what I have to say. You only want me when you need me. You manipulator.

Moving on to that day. That one day. We were standing outside your house. The one where you were abused and molested. You held a carton of gasoline in one hand, and a lighter in the other. You stood grimly facing the house.

“Let’s do this”

I didn’t say anything. You lit the lighter and continued to dose the house in gas, while I floated calmly and watched. You had the most sadistic, maniacal laugh in your voice. Until the house started burning. You fell silent and sat mesmerized at the building engulfing itself in flames. You laughed. You rambled on about power. I didn’t listen; I was too busy wondering if your organs were working.

When the house was finally burnt, you walked over to two skeletons lying aimlessly on the floor, and you proceeded to tear the bones off, one by one, and fling them into the mental institution nearby while yelling ‘And stay out!’, all while possessing an evil grin no human could ever have.”


“Damn…did I really do that?”


“I am your conscience. I was there, dumbass”


I sat on the cold chair, paralysed with fear. The room was shrouded in white. Nothing there. Just a void of colourless mass. Or colourful, if we’re turning into physicians. He was standing before me, his gaze penetrating my soul, cutting deeper as the seconds trundled by. I looked at him, my eyes intently following his slow paces as my fears continued to consume me. I felt every emotion lunge at me, screaming in desperation for me to let them out. But I didn’t. I continued to remain in the cold, hard chair, whilst my emotions decided to plot against me. Oblivious to my internal rebellion, he stopped his pacing and approached me, his firm stare stabbing me with panic. I gulped and prayed to every god I could think of, while he started to speak.

‘You have no idea who I am, do you?’

His voice dripped with seething rage, and I tried to compose my thoughts to the point where I could utter a sentence that was recognisable. I sweated and shook my head in terror. He gave a sly smirk and chuckled to himself, but I could tell that chuckle was more than a simple expression of pleasantness. That chuckle was the kind of chuckle that could break a country in a second, the chuckle that could rid the world of everything. That was power etched over a sly mask. I trembled as he turned away, facing the white void. The cogs in his malicious brain were turning, as he pondered the unthinkable. My brain started to implode from the pressure, and I did everything in my power to stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks in panic. Eventually, after a self-imposed eternity, he looked back at me with a sly grin plastered over his vindictive face.

‘Do you want me to tell you?’

The speech was so articulately pronounced, its sharpness could kill a man. It was cold, bland, yet it dripped with expression. If expression means the intent on destroying the planet, then his voice was filled with expression. Wounding, yes, but still expression. I nodded vigorously, and he chuckled again, every sound particle burning my skin with terror and rebelliousness. He walked away, to the wall, and pondered again. I felt mounds of detest build up in me; yet I knew that if I did anything outside of his boundaries, I would be smothered to pieces. When he turned back to me, I had a sudden realisation, epiphany, whatever. I knew him. Who is he? Every muscle in my body tensed as he opened his mouth.

‘I am your brain; I am spiteful, hostile, intolerable. I inflict fear, I know you did not want to do this. I am overpowering, and I will always get my way’

As soon as he said that, I saw his eyes fill with hate and I saw insanity and power drench him to the point where he was worthless. He looked at me, vengeful. His eyes were filled with hatred and paralysed me, yet again.

‘I will do this until you’re dead, Mr Manson. Now go, off to your jail cell. Just remember, the body may be incarcerated, but the mind will always be free’.

I felt my body become overwhelmed with rage, and I trundled out of the void.

I opened my eyes, to see the blood of my cellmates smothered over the walls.

I banged my body against the door until it snapped and shattered to pieces.

Armed with a knife, I bolted around the prison, not being content until every human in this building was slaughtered.

Because that’s what Mr Brain told me to do.

And by slaughtering every human in this building, I must start with the person reading this tattered scripture standing in my blood-filled cell.

Say bye-bye.


Yes, I know those stories are terrible but when you’re listening to fast-hyped music you literally don’t care.

Also, we had 2 snow days in a row (this one is the second)

That’s unheard of because I NEVER had a snow day so it feels really weird

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading my cringy stories


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

Everyone should read this

Depression isn’t ‘trendy’

Depression isn’t your bf/gf cradling you telling you it will be fine

Depression is people demeaning your self harm when you have a ‘perfectly good life’

Depression can come at any time, and to any level

Not every depressed person self harms or stays in bed every day

Not every depressed person continues with their life

Anxiety isn’t ‘trendy’

Anxiety isn’t all panic attacks

Anxiety isn’t always about all the common fears

Anxiety isn’t always severe

Depression isn’t always severe

Self-harm isn’t always severe; its not always when your arms are covered in cuts

Everyone who is depressed and anxious needs support

People shouldn’t demean their mental health just because there are no cuts or scars

People shouldn’t demean their mental health because there are cuts and scars

But remember

Life may not be for everyone

Just don’t make that desicion when you’re not in the right mindset

Everyone deserves support

Everyone deserves to be narcissistic

Everyone deserves someone to talk unexpectedly nice about them

Nobody deserves to feel they don’t have ‘proper’ depression/anxiety etc

All depression and anxiety is still depression and anxiety

Everyone deserves to be validated

Everyone deserves unexpected inclusion

Everyone deserves better

Everyone deserves help

Nobody deserves to be ignored by the persn they opened up their life to

Because that takes courage

If someone needs help

Dont make them talk about it

That is one of the hardest things to do

Encourage, don’t enforce

Whoever’s reading this

Stay alive

If not for anyone, for me 🙂


Ok, so I’m staying home from school because I died while trying to get up early, and my mom was like ‘stay in bed i will call school’

tbh i didn’t want to stay home for these reasons:

  • Tutor reviews (I kinda wanted to do it no lie)
  • We’re doing Cooper’s Run in PE (i.e. where you run around the sports hall for 12 mins while listening to music) and I like cooper’s run despite my terribleness at it
  • We’re having my favourite at lunch at school which we literally have once a year so I kinda wanted that but hopefully there will be leftovers tomorrow
  • I’m missing a music test (I like tests so yeaa)
  • I cannot meme in english (basically me and a girl in my class sat at the back and drew memes for half an hour and trying not to die) and we have double english today
  • I can’t do any of my homework assigned today because all my books are in my locker :/

I’m just thanking god my house music audition isn’t today (we’re having them today and tomorrow) because there are 12 categories and I’m in category 11 so that means i can do it tomorrow 😀

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to go through my wordpress pics and find some old ones (i’ve beemn doing this since 2014 so chances are there will be some embarrassing ones)


LMAO RIP ME (i took this with my back camera and i think i was sick or something because my hair isnt brushed and im in my pjs in the middle of the day sooo)

Taken with Lumia Selfie
Taken with Lumia Selfie

Photobooth pride lmfao


THIS IS fam time lmao our hotel room was being cleaned so enjoy this cringe af pic of my and my dad 🙂


CRINGE OOF and pls ask why tf i am lying on DIRTY NATURE FLOOR with nice clothes on please help me and my mental issues

This is actually a recent picture of me and my ugly mug (peep my stuffed bunny in the corner lol)




TBT to when i was a ghost lmfaooo


poser skillz


I hate smiling for pictures


tb to when i convinced myself i had art skills


yes i did not know adding text to headers were things so i DREW out the text omfg


Anyways that is me embarrassing myself.


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂


Ok so i have like 10 mins so let me talk about tutor reviews, or as I call them, DEATH

Basically, you have a 5-10 min chat with your form tutor about progress and *cheesy smile* WELLBEING

My wellbeing is, well, if you look at my arm, you will see it all


And she knows that, so cue my 5 mins of HELL as she tries to prod at me

Don’t get me wrong, i talk to people about this stuff (normally oops) but NOT HER


what who said that

Im petty af but anywayy

ugh i am literally going to die tomorrow

Not to mention 2027291038 rehearsals on wednesday, and PE, and cooking, and house music

And house dance on friday, which i DESPIse

And i literally made a death trap for myself

How is your wellbeing?

Needing improvement


Pls kill me so i dont have to do this

Im just praying i can keep my blazer on so she wont see my arm and wont ask

But idk what to do if she does

Because i cannot lie, like I literally cannot

I am a terrible liar, and over something like this its just a formula for my early death



if u dont like him thats ur business, just dont slam me about it

I have enough on my arm mind


~bloggerofthebloggish :/


Literally a ton of things have been crushing me lately but I cannot say what those things are because 1) its really gross if i tell and 2) ive sworn to secrecy about another thing

When i try to talk about it people steer to a different topic

I try to talk to my friends about it (they were involved) but they say i shouldnt

I dont want to be a victim here

I know from today that my friends literally feel useless when i crumble infront of them

I feel bad because i didnt help the main person affected but they did so much for me

I didnt know what to do

Ive never seen something like this happen

I was thinking about it since it happened

I tried to talk to the person affected but they didnt reply

I feel useless

I dont want to show this to my friends because it isnt their job to solve my problems

Other people in the friend group have bigger problems than me

I dont want to show this to my parents because they will say Im being the victim

My parents will disregard this as being hormones

My friends will feel another burden

I cant talk about it on this blog

Time for another sleepless night about something everyone else forgot about

Time for another two hours up crying because nobody replies to me/cares

Time for another anxiety attack about not being asleep by a certain time

Time for me to feel even more worthless tomorrow because none of this even matters

Time for me to feel awkward whenever I go and talk to this person knowing I owe them millions

Time for me to be a useless go-lucky person that is no help at all in a crisis

Time for me to be that one friend who is always the victim

Time for me to get criticized by my parents for being the victim


Random Thoughts

This is a random post (wow really) bc I’m bored and listening to really hyping music so let me release my 2018 thoughts

  • Every time I see a bid about Logan Paul I get depressed because I want this to be over
  • It’s my best friend’s bday in 19 days lets say happy bday in the comments lol
  • Blogging is very morbid (the longest blog post was like 274,000 characters because the person writing it died on the keyboard)
  • I’m listening to a song about gasoline
  • That song is in spanish
  • I have random fantasies about youtubers
  • I stopped playing PGO
  • 2017 was my year
  • Lava lamps are hot
  • idk
  • I want to buy some felt pens that are expensive just so i can take a tumblr pic about stationery
  • I own an ouija board it doesn’t work lol (nothing happens when I use it lololol)
  • I am tired
  • RIP my sleep schedule (I went to bed at midnight from dec. 30-jan 3 and then had to wake up at 6:30 on thursday and friday and last night I also went to bed at midnight)
  • Colouring irl stresses me out
  • I have 20 highlighters from the same brand
  • I have 30 more highlighters as well
  • I only use 1 colour highlighter
  • I have enough stationery to open a WHSmiths (a big uk stationery store)

Hope y’all enjoyed my ramblings (sos I’m so tired lol)


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂


Because everyone wants to see this 😏

Ok so if you haven’t seen the first 10 weird things I did when I was little, then go look (i have 2 parts so read both ok thanks) but nothing in that is really crucial to this post, but before we start let me just talk about the Logan Paul dead body in Japan (if you dk what Im talking about just google it)

This may be biased because I am a fan of Logan, but I honestly don’t blame him for vlogging it because tbh if I was him I would have done the same thing; I would have taken pics and put them on Snapchat and Insta because its unusual and I would want to show everyone. Also, Logan did call the police and he uploaded a very long apology to both youtube and twitter. I know what it is like to be at the centre of controversy (obviously I dont have 15 million subscribers but still) and I would have done exactly what Logan did. The video itself, I don’t know if Logan deleted it or if youtube deleted it, but remember Logan is a human too and he doesn’t need the whole internet slamming him especially after he apologised. This was probably biased because I’m a surefire logangster but I do not understand why people are still slamming down on him because he apologised and the video was deleted, so do what someone would do irl and start from a clean slate.

There is a very small chance (if any lol) Logan read this but ye that’s my opinion

**DISCLAIMER this is my website so I can post my opinions here and Im asking not to bring this up if you know me irl so just keep this stuff online thank u :)**

Moving on to the actual post 😀

(For reference:

Year 3 – Age 7-8

Year 4 – Age 8-9

Year 5 – Age 9-10)

1) When I wanted my Lumia (I have a post about when I got it lol), I made a ‘phone tracker’ aka a piece of paper and whenever I got some money I would write how much I had and how far away from my Lumia I was, and I also put in the phone model, colour, price etc

2) When I first saw someone with dwarfism (idk why I am talking about this but I’m really tired but not tired enough to sleep) I thought I was dreaming

3) I would never brush my hair I would just tie it up in a low pony when my parents weren’t looking

4) I used to walk around IN PUBLIC with a 12″ tablet (before phablets were cool) and I vividly remember going to an Iceland (a frozen food store in England) writing a post called ‘Assumptions aren’t always right’

5) I used to read all the gossip magazines about death and rape when I wasn’t even 10 omg help me

6) I was very emotionally unstable (I still am but we are not going to talk about that 😂)

7) I used to walk to school with my Mom with over-the-ear headphones with an MP3 PLAYER HAHA

8) I got a pair of cheap headphones in year 3 and thought it was an MP3 player

9) In kindergarten (ages 4-7) my mom would go real close to my classroom window and wave at me (the same thing happened in year 4 too but we were on the higher floor so my dad would wave from the playground)

10) I thought flip phones were the bomb and would fight my mom over hers

So those are 10 more weird things I did when I was little

Let me know if u want more because BOI I HAVE PLENTY MORE KID STORIES


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

Snapchat emoji code

Ok so this is mainly for personal use (for me haha) because I have snapchat and I always find myself googling what all the emojis mean so I figured I could just make a list on here and maybe help other people with snapchat 🙂 (btw this is done on my phone so the emojis may be weird because i have an iphone

💕 – You have been #1 best friends with this person for over 2 months

❤️ – You have been #1 best friends with this person for over 2 weeks

💛 – You are #1 best friends with this person (you send the most snaps to them and vice versa)

😊 – You are best friends with this person, but not #1 best friends

😏 – You are this person’s best friend but they are not yours

😎 – You and this person have a best friend in common

😬 – You and this person have a #1 best friend in common

Your snapstreak is running out

🔥 – You have a snapstreak with this person (there is also a number next to the fire with the amount of days)

💯 – You have a 100 day snapstreak with this person

👶 – You and this person just became friends

🎂 – It is this person’s birthday

🌟 – One of this person’s snaps has been replayed in the last 24 hours

Enjoy my friends


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

40 facts about me/Old forum posts

Ok so I tried to do a 50 facts but that kinda flopped, so here are 40 FACTS because I just wanted to be entertaining for once

  1. My real name is Samantha Nolastnamegiven
  2. I have shoulder – length chestnut brown hair
  3. I have hazel eyes (which is annoying when I do quizzes involving my eye colour)
  4. I wear glasses
  5. I am very tall for my age (and just in general)
  6. I live in England
  7. I either wear pale pink or white tops
  8. I either wear sweatpants or leggings
  9. My favourite colour is yellow, but my room is blue (I like blue too don’t worry)
  10. I am introverted
  11. I don’t have many friends (wow really I didn’t know that)
  12. I’ve been bullied for my blog
  13. I love Pusheen
  14. I love makeup
  15. I favor cats over dogs
  16. I go to private school
  17. I’m American and Russian
  18. I’m a nerd
  19. I have anxiety
  20. My favourite song is Chandelier by Sia
  21. I’m the tallest and youngest in my friend group :/
  22. My birthday is April 4
  23. I was born 1 day early
  24. I have been physically, emotionally and cyberbullied
  25. I have been suicidal
  26. I have self harmed
  27. I am constantly paranoid about being judged
  28. I suck at PE
  29. I am a STEM person
  30. STEM stands for Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics
  31. My favorite subjects are IT (computing) and Spanish
  32. I love binge watching youtube
  33. I collect LAMY fountain pens
  34. I collect makeup
  35. My favourite youtubers are: Logan Paul, Jaidenanimations, theodd1sout, NiliPOD and Eve Bennett
  36. I once had stomach cramps so bad I was in hospital and stayed off school for 4 days
  37. 95% of my family doesn’t live in England
  38. I’ve been abroad twice: to the U.S. and France (I’ve mentioned France before on this blog)
  39. I think I’ve said this, but BLOGGISH was actually a forum only my parents could read
  40. My favorite food is salted popcorn

Ok, so that’s done. Let me refer to fact 39, and say that BLOGGISH used to be a private forum, and I have some really cringey posts from around April of 2014. As soon as I set this blog up, I stopped using my forum, but I managed to snatch all of my posts from there, so enjoy!


Welcome to my new blog! :)

There are some rules, so make sure you follow them, or I will BAN YOU! MWAHAHA! 8D

  1. No LINKS to any other sites such as Youtube or chat rooms.
  2. No SPAM is allowed. No chain letters. Delete them and let the admin know as soon as possible.
  3. No posting in the BLOG thread. Your post will be banned. Only post in “Comments”.
  4. No sharing PERSONAL DETAILS such as passwords, emails, phone numbers etc…
  5. Only post PHOTOS, VIDEOS, POSTS and QUOTES. Any other post will be deleted. HTML codes are NOT allowed.

If you have any questions, post them in the Questions thread in the COMMENTS board.


15 random things about myself

Hmm… that’s not easy, but I’ll give it a go.

1. I’m only 9 years old!
2. I’m CRAZY about butterflies and stationary.
3. I have eczema.
4. I freak out if I see any bugs (except ants).
5. My top 3 favourite colours are yellow, blue and purple.
6. I have no pets.
7. I hate sweets and ice cream.
8. My favourite book is the “Big Nate” collection.
9. My favourite subject is history.
10. I hate science, but I study the periodic table.
11. Next March will be my first residential trip… to Edale!
12. My favourite thing to do is make games.
13. I do loads of grown-up things.
14. My favourite movie is “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix”.
15. I only have 4 BFFs.

So… I hope you liked it! They are all true (well, not really. We are still thinking about no.11.) They might be a bit gross, but hey! They’re random! :)


Ballet-Grade 2!!*
Ya, I know, we are ALL crazy! But, I have a confession. DO NOT TELL ANYONE!!! x_x I actually set this up WITHOUT anyone knowing! SSH! :) Lolz! Sorry this one might be a bit short or long…

I have my Grade 2 ballet exam today. Me and my friend are the only people from my grade doing the exam. By the way, I don’t neccesarily go to a ballet SCHOOL, I have after-school classes. I’m in a ballet club, with about 10 other kids. There aren’t many of us. Anyhow, my teacher does work for a ballet school, so basicly I am part of a ballet school. I go to Tiptoe ballet school. But guess what, my exam is in ****** (I’m not allowed to say where it is bc it will show where I live) But, the good thing is we are taking the bus!! Woo-hoo! And, my BFF is going to be there as well! :D!! It is going to be ACE!! My parents have my permission to LOOK at my blog! Well, I’m sorry this post is short but I have LOADS of things to do…in less than 1/2 hour!! Laters! :)

*Keep on commenting!! :)

My party this Saturday! (And my secret Harry Potter trip!)

O.M.G!! I’m having a party this Saturday (just, you know… end of year?) Anyhow, I’m inviting 2 of my BFFs over. We’ll have a BLAST! (If I put my laptop away! :) )We wil also make CHOOLATE CAKE! (Drool…) Seriously, I LOVE chocolate cake! My exam was yesterday, but, you know how I’m blogging while it’s school time, well, I’m on SUMMER VACATION!! :D :D :D!! We had a half-day last Friday and we counted down the seconds until summer. (Mainly I’m glad to be out of Y4! I has the worst year ever! :( )
OMG! It was SO nice! (Ya, so what, I like putting smilies in!) This Thursday, we are going to the pool, but on the 26th August, we are going to (ready for it?)


Sorry. Just SOO excited! My classmates (who I barely ever get along with) will ENVY me for the rest of my life!! ;)

Must. Stop. Screaming.
Seriously, if i scream THIS loud, probably people n Austrailia will drop dead! I am SO excited!
Sorry. Gotta go! (*Munching on £20 note!*)
:) :) :)
Laters! ;)


My Year in Year 4-I’m INVISIBLE!!!

Oh my gosh. I will tell you the tale of me being INVISIBLE during a science lesson. I’ll tell you the bad bits, since it was BORING! Here we go… (this might be a bit long.)

It was 3:20 (ish). Me and my group were sticking photos in our science books. I had a picture without ME on it. How RUDE is that? >:D The boy sitting next to me had the ONLY photo with ME on it. The photo I had ALSO had him in it. I said to him “give it back!”
You know what he said?
A big, fat “NO”. UNBELIVEABLE! I started crying (I have never been good at socalizing, since I didn’t go to Pre-school). I started snatching the photo from him.
Now, will I ask for a show of hands?
I FINALLY managed to get it out of his hands. Now for Step 2. Telling the teacher. It turns out the teacher also hates me. He said “go stick the photo in your book”. How RUDE is that??! He didn’t even give me a chance to EXPLAIN!!! Then, he told us to tidy up. I started tidying the floor. He then told me “That’s for the cleaners. Go sit down”. That is WEIRD! Make up your mind, people. I was SO glad the day had ended! Luckily, my class teacher didn’t see me! (Phew!)

You won’t BELIVE how happy I am to get out of Y4! At least, in Year 5, I’ll have a teacher who LISTENS to me! Oh, god, I’m SO grateful for the holidays!
By the way, this wasn’t my WORST day in Year 4! I had worse… :(

Gotta go! :)
Stay tuned! :)


Random thoughts

I’m just planning ahead…for next march. We have our music competition next march. I’m thinking about doing a horrible histories song. I LOVE history. I don’t like singing, well I DO but I DON’T like being told what to sing and when to sing it. I don’t know what to do! HELP!! (*Bing!*) I’ll do a POLL! :)
Here we go! Enjoy! :)
(*Blog in new thread. Post will be copied.*)



Ok, NBC stands for National Bloggish Club. That’s right! I’m unleashing a BRAND NEW club!! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOGOMGOGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!! Below is a list of benefits you can get if you sign up!

  • Take part in AWESOME competitions! OMG!
  • Get your own bloggish mini blog! OMG!
  • Subscribe so you won’t miss A SINGLE POST! OMG!
  • Chat with other bloggish members (including me!) OMG!
  • …And many more! OMG!

To sign up, send me a private message! (And no, I DON’T have an email adress. duh) I know benefit 2 excited you the most. Ya, I’ll make a sepreate board and put your blogs in it. You need to join this forum to, like ACTUALLY sign up! You can sign up anytime, anyday!
Gotta go! :)
Laters! :)

(PS, Sorry this post was short! :))


Running for the space center

OMG! The Leicester space museum was THE BEST!! Me and my dad spent, like 4 WHOLE HOURS WITHOUT LEAVING! :) I want on this “simulator ride”. Have you ever ben on “mission to mars”? It’s in Epcot. The ride was kinda like that. I was really scared but it turned out to be REALLY COOL!!!
Then I saw my first 2 planetarium shows. The second one was basiclly a tour of the night sky but in the first one, we saw Jupiter’s moon, Uropa. Then I went in a tranquility base and OMG OMG OMG! One part was a moon walk. You lay down on this board and pushed with your feet. On a screen, there was this inage of you jumping on the moon. OMG OMG! Another part was where you had to maneuver a chair to catch these targets. I had NO CLUE how to move it, but my had pushed me around and I got 34000 points. Wow.

To be continued…


Running for the space center (part 2)

Ok, picking up from where we left off. There was a “baked bean” challenge. You would lift up all these baked bean cans. Boring! Here’s the twist: They have been weighed so when you picked it up, it would be the weight of a SINGLE BAKED BEAN from another planet. When I tried picking one up from the sun, I could BARELY MOVE it! We went upstairs and there was this water pressure challenge. You had to decide which rocket would best suit the astronamour. Then there was this HUGE shuttle that stretched all the way up the building (5 floors).

To be continued…


WordPress is calling my name…

Oh, how I want a blog SO BAD!!!!!!! >:D And when I say “blog”, I mean like a REAL blog. Not a proboards forum. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! As you can see from the title, you know how I feel. I have read many blogs and I’m about to POP!! (And yes, I know internet safety rules. Seriously, do you think I’m BRAIN DEAD?!?!?!?!?!) Seriously, then I can get COOL COMMENTS! 8-) And take part in stuff such as “Not me! Monday”. I could also follow other blogs. (But NO, I WON’T be spending any money.) This is the LAST STRAW for me! I’ll list some reasons telling you why blogging is educational.

  • It develops writing skills, by expressing feelings and telling cool stories.
  • It develops social skills (which I DO NOT have). You can read other comments and think long and hard about them…
  • You can take part in cool blog hops, and follow other blogs,which you can compare to your blog.
  • Later, you can look back on old posts and remember those days.
  • And, as the author, you can delete comments that are rude, offensive or in any other ways, cyber-bullying.
  • You can keep your own online journal and use the latest tecnology.

So, I am DYING for a REAL blog that I can customize. I’m making a point and will hold up an argument.
Seriously, its like keeping a diary. What’s wrong with that?! :'( :'( :'( :( :( :(



If y’all wanna come see my “blog”, then head to
To log in:

Username: bloggerofthebloggish
Password: loomband85

(BTW, billybudapest is my mom lol)

There’s really cringey stuff there, including weird comments, so please check it out!!


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂

What I got for Xmas 2017

I could do a youtube video about this, but I’m lazy and would rather type than edit.

When I watched ‘what I got for xmas’ videos on youtube, I was baf

fled at how little they got compared to me.

So, let me take this opportunity to implicitly brag about how much stuff I got.

  1. A lava lamp
  2. A pink pedometer watch
  3. 2 coasters (one with a cat on and one with an S on, because my name starts with S)
  4. A shiny blue LAMY
  5. Bath & body works hand sanitizers (stress relief, focus, iced gingerbread, paris, a thousand wishes, warn vanilla sugar, vanilla buttercream, champagne sparkle – I got multiple of these because I run out quickly lol)
  6. Bath & body works bath wash (vanilla bean noel)
  7. Bath & body works body mists (a thousand wishes, pretty as a peach, warm vanilla sugar, endless weekend, moonlight bath, vanilla bean noel, hello beautiful, japanese cherry blossom, magic in the air)
  8. Here comes betty bath set (idk what this is but it smells good)
  9. My little pony surprise egg (I had an MLP phase a few years ago)
  10. Bakedin mug brownie mixes (aka the best brownies on the planet)
  11. A unicorn heat pack
  12. A webkinz pretty kitty (webkinz are basically pets you can play with online and have a plushie at the same time)
  13. Staedtler 6 neon fineliner pens
  14. Diary of a wimpy kid: the getaway
  15. Adultolescense
  16. 1,432 QI facts
  17. Voyage into space
  18. 365 historical stories
  19. Pusheen 2018 calendar
  20. Pusheen lilac cushion
  21. Pusheen PJ set
  22. Pusheen blind box plushie
  23. Teal duvet set
  24. Pusheen top
  25. Pusheen socks
  26. Pusheen bath set
  27. LUSH bathbombs
  28. Real techniques travel set
  29. Real techniques bold metals eyes and lips set
  30. Real techniques bold metals powder bush & contour brush
  31. Masqd 5 minute face brushes
  32. Urban decay NAKED 1, heat & smoky palettes
  33. Benefit hoola mini bronzer
  34. Apple music gift card
  35. Primark £25 gift card
  36. Boots £15 gift card

I think that’s it, but I’m probably forgetting stuff

Anyway, that’s the bulk of what I got for xmas 🙂


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂


The Sanctuary

Ok, so I’ve really been itching to write lately, so here is me writing about how literally NO ROOM in the house is free because we have 3493844 people in it (ok just 5, but that’s 2 more than usual)

Let me go through all the rooms in the house, and list their opening hours (by that, I

mean when nobody’s in there)

Library (open 11am-1pm)
Office (never open)
Bathroom (open 11am-8pm excluding bathroom trips during the day, so just reduce that to about 1 hour of opening time because we have 5 people and 1 bathroom)
Kitchen (open 9:30am-11am)
Living room (open 7pm-8pm)

Parent’s room (open 10am-1am)
My room (always open)

I know I have a small house, I have been informed that.

Now let’s go through which rooms will have who in
(Btw, In my house there is me, my mom, my dad, my grandma and my mom’s best friend who we consider an aunt)

Library (Aunt, Mom, Grandma)
Office (Dad)
Bathroom (everyone at some point)
Kitchen (Mom, Grandma, Aunt, Dad)
Living room (Grandma, Aunt, Dad)

Parent’s room (Mom, Dad)
My room (Me, obvs)

So, now you can see the peril I am in, and to rub salt in the wound, let’s go through my average day and where I can go

9AM My room
10AM My parent’s room, Kitchen, My room
11AM Library, parent’s room, bathroom, My room
12noon Library, parent’s room, bathroom, My room
1PM Bathroom, My room, Parent’s room
2PM Bathroom, My room, Parent’s room
3PM Bathroom, My room, Parent’s room
4PM Bathroom, My room, Parent’s room
5PM Bathroom, My room, Parent’s room
6PM Bathroom, My room, Parent’s room
7PM Living room, Bathroom, My room, Parent’s room
8PM My room, Parent’s room
9PM My room (thats when I go to bed lol)

So, I proceed to spend my holiday cooped up in my room because that’s the only place I can consistently be without people trying to socialise

Imma end on another cheery note! 😀


~bloggerofthebloggish 🙂